180man Thread 4

[180Man]

Thanks for sharing that Sandi, it's really interesting that you were working with couples before everything happened. I also find it interesting that you see a distinct difference between the secular and Christian flavors of R books. In December my W immediately went out on her own and bought "You and Me Forever; Marriage In the Light of Eternity" and "Love and Respect" which is also a Christian book -- the author's premise being that you can solve everything if the man is given respect and the woman is given love.

My W did not like that premise and felt she needed the respect and I needed the love. I didn't understand why we couldn't both have both. Needless to say, we stopped using this book shortly thereafter. The former book I am almost done with...it's okay, but it's really all about using your marriage to serve God together, not about how to fix your R after an affair. I also picked up the nice guy book people have talked about here, I made it about halfway through before getting distracted by other R/self-help books. I should probably pick it up again...I have a pile of R books that I need to finish, I guess I have a little bit of reader's ADD.

I have read your writings on WW vs WAW, albeit not recently, but I never could figure out what I have on my hands or if it matters. She is not in my face about anything like some W's, she has never called me a name or been verbally disrespectful, and in the two times I've seen her since BD in January, the conversation has been calm and as cordial as possible, given the circumstances. It does not feel like we are playing the same game that others are, especially since she has moved out and I'm not seeing her every day. Or maybe we are playing the same game but just a different flavor? Maybe I am naive.

Or maybe she IS right, maybe we just aren't right for each other and she's doing the best she can to make a civil departure from the R because...it's the right thing to do? On the other hand, three weeks ago she told me we were best friends and great partners and were simply not romantically suited for each other (I interpreted this as sex). Who wouldn't want to be married to their bff? Isn't that the whole idea? Well, I have my first sex therapy appointment today, so hopefully it's productive and not too weird.

25: It just popped in my head that you asked for clarity about our deployment situation and I think I forgot to respond to it? OM leaves the command sometime in the next few weeks, he will be on the other side of the globe with a new set of orders. He will not be anywhere near my W anytime soon. My W deploys in early July, they're supposed to go to the sand box, but your guess is as good as mine -- NK is certainly not off the table. I stay here for the foreseeable future, though I am applying for better career opportunities when able. I should hear back in August and February whether or not those opportunities decide they want me. I might lose my shít if they say no! Uggghhhh, if you only knew what I do for a living, my frustration with this desk job would make so much more sense. Of course I have been doing better and better with this damn job the last few months and now they're relying on me more and more...at least they are supportive of my efforts to return to my calling. I am thankful for that.