I was really having a hard time hearing what you guys were telling me and then you made a mistake thinking there was an OM#2 in my situation and the thought of that combined with everything else at the time was just too much for me.
I also called you by the wrong name, which I think tipped you off that I had you and another poster confused. It happens, occassionally, when reading from post to post. Sometimes, when I sense the newcomer is emotionally shutting me out, I will back off. I don't take it personally, b/c I realize when I am trying to reveal the wayward wife......it is not the warm, positive words that are gladly received. Most people, I think, believe I am giving them 2x4's. That is not my intentions, whatsoever. All I can do is tell them what I have learned the past ten years, and then it's up to them to accept or reject it.
My posts tend to be way too long, and I think parts are missed. For instance, in my last post I gave the view from the wayward wife perspective........but I also said similar to what 25yrsmlc said about your relationship with your WW's mothers.
When you are on the board for a long time, you see sooooo many LBH'S trying the same attempts to desperately get their WW back. Don't take this the wrong way, ......it's as if the LBH'S are using the same cookie cutter to produce the desired results. I understand how we are led by emotions. For men, especially, their nature is to pursue.....so that is what their emotions are dictating. They also want all the hope anyone can offer them. Why wouldn't they want hope, right?
Well, sometimes I feel like a doom & gloom prophet that nobody wants to hear. I rely on others here who have that natural talent in their writing to encourage newcomers. I appreciate those folks very much. I feel that I have a small window of time to reach the ones I can, and if it appears there is a WW in the stitch, I just lay the information out there b/c I want the H to know what he's dealing with in his M.
I believe a M can be saved, even when there is a WW. Truthfully, we don't get the final results from most of our posters. They just tend to fade away. IMHO, there are many couples who D b/c the W is wayward and the H has tolerated her behavior so long that he either lacks the confidence to set effective boundaries.........or else she was too far gone before he finally decided to enforced his boundaries.
I will share something that I've never told on the board. I use to teach small groups of young married couples at our church. I had studied for years b/c of my own personal dissatisfaction in my MR. So, when I was faced with these small groups, I really dug in my heels to learn more about relationship issues, and to hopefully present information that would have wonderful results for these couples. We discussed the differences in men and women, the woman with a closed heart, the empty love bank.....etc. However, I honestly don't remember (without looking back at my old notes) if the subject of waywardness was approached. If it was, I'm sure it was disguised by some other modern and more acceptable term. But at that time in my life, I really was not informed about the foundation, breakdown, journey and the process of healing for the WW.
Several years later, I was no longer studying R books. My own MR was at an all time low, and my resentment and feelings of disrespect for my H was about to top out in a form of rebellion that I would have NEVER believed about myself. What I was experiencing had been sugar coated in the secular material I had read about MR. Some material may have made an indirect reference or used a softer term, but obviously, I saw it from different eyes than I currenty view it. The Christian material referred to the woman with a hard heart, the wayward woman, and the foolish woman (which, of course, I never saw myself in this category) I knew some other women who I thought fit that category. However, I was only observing the overt behavior of those women. I understood the definition of a wayward woman, but I had not fully understood the mindset until my own experience.
At some point later (after my wayward journey) I began to study it closer and I could see clear differences in the WAW and the wayward wife. I have continued to observe these patterns in marriages with a WW, over & over again. There is a common thread I see in marriages with a WW. For the most part, they seem to have H's who appear to have the nice guy syndrome.
Just sharing.......FWIW to anyone reading.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
However, I was only observing the overt behavior of those women. I understood the 
