Hi
Well today feels much better at least I am not centered in my head and emotional. Yesterday was really awful day I have no idea what triggered it.

Thanks ownit for your lovely words . Yes it is very weird not knowing whether he is really working to make it or having fun on the side. I know his back is still hurting but less than before as he said he has lost weight but he is still on some medication and need a surgery. My analysis is that he is extremely depressed guilty and ashamed. But then again I honestly don't know and i could just be the fool.
On one side it maybe better on the other what if I am the naive wife who is being fooled twice.
Job - Don't know if there is a difference of how we should treat an Mlc in depression and withdrawal Vs an mlc in replay.

Ownit/ Ok so I have not sent anything which I am happy not to in that state. I like some of your suggestions especially the call me. I'll use it once I feel I got centered again.

The issue is I know D will not get me the relief I think it will but yesterday it was the only thing I was able to think of . I wrote at least 5 email spelling out my feelings and wanting a different relation. Just the act of writing was maybe good anyway I didnot send any. I think the day I leave would be s short msg with no explanations .

Thanks again ownit for watching my back.

M 45 H 45
D1 12 D2 9
BD 04/14
Living two different state
Not officially separated