Lurker ready to ask for help with WW/WAW sitch!

[RunRec]

It's been almost a week since I posted and unfortunately things have completely changed. Friday night I was snooping on her cell phone logs (I know, I know) and called her out about a conversation I didn't approve of. The conversation turned into a fight, and turned into her declaring herself "done". At the end of the night, after all the fighting, she said she was 100% out and would be filing paperwork on Tuesday. I have made clear throughout the process that as soon as the marriage was officially dead (i.e. papers filed) I would be moving out immediately. She still relies on me a lot in the home, and hasn't had to feel the full effects of what me moving out would look like. She said she understood, and she was sure.

I came to her on Saturday and told her how sorry I was for pursuing and snooping, and for all the hurtful things I said while we were fighting. I told her I knew she wasn't going to change her mind, but I wanted to make sure she knew that no matter what happens with our marriage I need her to be a positive member of my life. I asked her not to make any definitive decisions from a raw emotional place.

Sunday and Monday went extremely well. We spent time together, laughed, talked about everything EXCEPT the R. Monday night I decided to have one last talk with her before MC on Tuesday and laid out that I'm coming around on the idea of us being friends, and that I'd like to stay in MC with the sole purpose of reconnecting as friends, reversing our negative interaction cycle, and if any romantic feelings showed up then so be it but that wouldn't be my agenda. She rejected the idea and said she is just plain done. I told her I know how hard it is to believe that from me, but I wanted her to let me prove it through my actions. I asked her to give me one week to show her I was serious, and she said she didn't need a week. She is just done. I was devastated.

We had another major fight, and didn't get to bed until late. I didn't sleep hardly at all. She still wanted to ride together to counseling and for the first time in this entire sitch we took the entire car ride without me saying a word or even looking in her general direction. I couldn't bear to speak to her or look at her. My emotions were so strong I didn't know if I would break down and cry or scream at her. I knew I needed to wait until we were with the counselor so he could help me.

Once in the counselor's office I didn't compose myself near as well as I wanted to. I started to lose my temper and raise my voice, and our MC smartly asked her to wait in the lobby so we could talk one on one. He calmed me down, worked some magic, and we were able to bring the W back in. I gave what was probably the most magical speech I've ever given to her. I explained to her how sorry I was and how these emotions over losing her can cause me to lose control, and I'll never give up on us being in love again but either way she'll always mean everything to me even as a friend. I don't recall my exact wording but she ended up in tears (the good kind) and said she completely understands and forgives me. I explained to her and the MC how I understand how she feels, and I'm not saying she's wrong to feel that way. My only reason for being apprehensive is that we're only 3 months from the BD, and I have spent the entire 3 months in varying stages of desperate pursuit and have given her absolutely no room to breathe or think.

I proposed a trial separation. I told her I would head out of state to stay with my parents. My dad owns his own business and actually is desperate for some help right now, so I can go stay with them rent free and get paid far more than I'm making now to work for him. This would relieve some of our financial burdens, give me a safe emotional place to work on my 180's and GAL stuff, and give her a break from me. This would also give her a trial run of what life as a single mom is going to look like without me available to help.

I proposed one month, but the kids are in school until June 26th and ultimately unless she asks me to come back sooner I'm going to plan on 6 weeks so I can fly back the week before they are out of school. I've already let her know if she moves forward with the D I will be moving out of state permanently. I'm going to give her full custody of the kids, and I'll take them for summers and we'll switch up holidays year to year (if I remain out of state). This will be another wakeup call if she decides when I come back that she wants to move forward with the D, she will have to wrap her head around not seeing the kids for the whole summer. She's never been away from them for more than a week or two at a time.

While I absolutely don't want to be separated, I honestly think this is my personal last resort technique. I wasn't handling the in house separation in a way that was attracting her back, so this should help me to truly detach and focus on myself. She'll either miss me and decide she wants to try again, or be validated in her desire to be divorced. I told her that at the end of this trial period I'm not asking her to commit to the marriage. If she commits to counseling to save the marriage, I will move back home. I also told her that the 4-6 weeks isn't a deadline. If she's not ready to make a decision in late June we can extend the trial separation but I will be bringing the boys back with me if we're still undecided.

So there it is. I'd love any advice I can get, or being pointed to any resources on how to handle this next phase of my sitch. My thinking is to 100% stop initiating any contact that doesn't directly relate to the kids. I'll be cordial, but short on words if and when she contacts me for anything unrelated to the kids. I will absolutely refuse any talks abou the MR. If she starts trying to talk about the R (very long odds), I have considered just politely telling her that I don't think it's good for us to discuss the R outside of counseling so if she'd like to get started with MC again I can make arrangements to come back early.It will be SUPER easy for me to do GAL stuff because my hometown has more friends and cheap accessible activities than where I'm at now by a wide margin. I'll be sure to post about all the exciting GAL activities I'm up to on Facebook. That way if any interested parties are concerned I'm shriveled up somewhere in a ball, they'll have proof to the contrary!

Any encouragement in the form of success stories after similar situations (WAS, infidelity, trial sep) would be much appreciated. I'm trying hard to keep my faith in God, and keep a PMA about our long term relationship prospects. Like MWD says, it's not over until it's over! She didn't file!