Leah, it can be very hard to "detach" and put your "expectations at zero," if that is the focus, in fact I think it has the opposite effect. I think the key is take the focus off of him, what he is doing, saying, and why, and try to live your life each day for yourself. It's very hard not to try and mind read and predict why they do what they do.

If you read back in my sitch, you will see that when I was mind reading my WH's words/behaviors, I was often wrong, even when it appeared obvious. Ultimately it is wasted effort and again only keeps the focused on them, and preventing detachment. That is why we have to have our focus be on GAL and 180s for us--things that improve how we live and feel each day, and without measuring the response it has on them. In time, they will notice.

Try and keep in mind this is truly a marathon and not a sprint. Most of these sitches takes years to unravel. We really can't control them or if the M survives--that takes both people. We can however wake up each day and improve ourselves. It works two-fold because it increases the chance we attract them back, and more importantly, we learn to live a healthier and more authentic life.

I know you can do this. You are smart, strong, and a very positive, bright person! You are too hard on yourself. This is hard stuff! It is perfectly okay to have sadness, depression, anxiety and self-doubt; you are human and you feel pain. So feel what you need to feel. Then you get up the next day and you try again. In time, it will get easier.

XOXO
Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela