Lol, 25 Years, it's just what I've been told and read multiple times over the years. Now, it's a BENCHMARK! Some will go faster. It's also not a "feeling better" point, it's meant as a point where you never think of the person, would likely never even date them if they came into your life for the first time today, could see them with someone new and not feel anything. I was 80% there in about 2.5 years and about 95% there in about 4 but it really took until 5 where I felt zero, zilch, nada.
Yeah, could suck for you, but imagine how awesome it will be for G if it's true! 27 days to go!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I'm glad you guys are not ready to strangle me yet and have given me such good support.
I think he did freak. he's freaking about his life as a whole right now. I think he wants to get out of his parents house. he wants to sell his business. He wants to buy a home, and probably even rent for a while on his own first. he can't do that until he is one year on the job officially this month because of address requirements.
he got caught up, I got caught up, we both made mistakes, we both acted with our hearts, not our minds. I think it's another blow to the ego when it took him 24 hours to flip flop on us and make a huge decision. I must have not been all THAT important.
And sadly enough, those who know me, I don't get over people for a long time. There is no equation. I am such a sentimental person that it takes a long time for me. I can't even sleep in my bed because it was the last place I saw him and kissed him goodbye. I've been couch surfing. I'm selective about who I let in, but then I am all in with my heart. I wish I wasn't like this.
I've always had GAL activities. I kept them, but I chose to spend my time doing them with FF. It was a good time.
I gained weight with him. We ate out and he could eat and we put on lbs together. They are almost off from the heartbreak diet. Something good to come out of it, I guess.
I can't speak for everyone but glad someone did speak up and say we aren't ready to strangle you. That is what this forum is for. Putting things out there and people giving you feedback. Just keep right on posting all you need to.
I think the interesting part of all of this is that he gave you a reason, but you are unsure of his reason, which I totally understand, based on how everything went down, but try not to focus on that. Try to focus on you. Again, some things you said in this most recent post ring very loud and very true for me too. I tend to be very selective and guarded on the front end, but once I let someone in, I'm ALL in. And, it takes me awhile to get past that, so I totally and completely understand where you are coming from. I just don't want you to go down the road of thinking it is all on you or you were the only one at fault or any of that. It takes 2!
I will continue to send positive thoughts, vibes and prayers your way. Hang in there, G!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
G, he made a decision in 24 hours but it had been in there stewing for awhile...you told us he was different for weeks. You say that the relationship mustn't have been that important for him...well, maybe it was too important! It sounds like he's going through some life decisions around his job, his residence and then had a single Mom with a kid. I've found when people are looking at big life changes it's a bad time to date them. They often don't realize it...but it's another thing to look at for future R's.
Lol, 25 Years, it's just what I've been told and read multiple times over the years. Now, it's a BENCHMARK! Some will go faster. It's also not a "feeling better" point, it's meant as a point where you never think of the person, would likely never even date them if they came into your life for the first time today, could see them with someone new and not feel anything. I was 80% there in about 2.5 years and about 95% there in about 4 but it really took until 5 where I felt zero, zilch, nada.
Yeah, could suck for you, but imagine how awesome it will be for G if it's true! 27 days to go!
yeah yeah...sniff
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Last night I went kickboxing and I pack a mean punch as it is and I destroyed that bag and at one point we were just landing hooks ok that bag and tears just started to stream down my face.
I am angry. Angry that he did this without having to look me in the ye, without having to see me cry or the hurt he caused me. My friend had to talk me from the ledge because I wanted to ask me to meet him so he could see me in person. so he can say all of this to my face. She talked me down. I know it wouldn't change what he wants even though he made a rash decision. it's out there now. And he is right. I cannot give him the future he wants. he's got it planned a certain way and I can't do it. It's go nothing to do with who I am or what I am or our relationship. There is probably no loving someone so much especially in a short period of time to give up those dreams. I was just lead ot believe what he knew I had to offer was just what he wanted. But I guess a lot of life contemplating with his struggles led him to this. I can't and don't fault him for that.
Of course I sit here and wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. Or misses me at all. He's got one best friend and a cousin as a friend and he is close with his parents, but other than that, I was his closest friend. We had that package, and he admits the great friendship we had. So I can imagine he hurts a bit too.
You did the right thing by not contacting him. He did what he did and, you could say, did the best he could with what he had to give. Certainly it is better he was upfront rather than just carrying on for the sex or because he doesn't want to hurt you etc. That doesn't ease the hurt at all, I know. I once dated a woman for five months and in the second month she wanted me to move in with her. I said "no go" and she seemed to accept that. One day, after five months of dating, she phoned me and asked me to come over, which I did and she proceeded to tell me that our R was over because she felt, on her part, it was just lust (and as a guy, I couldn't understand what her problem was lol). She offered to meet me again to say what I needed to say and handed me whatever things I had at her place. I met her again and told her what I needed to say and she said "you can believe what ever you want to believe, if it makes you feel better." And that was that. Yes, she did everything right...she didn't text me, didn't ghost me (like my best friend has had happen twice after dating women for six months) but, my point being, it didn't ease my pain. Hurt is hurt. So G, feel your pain...you have every right to it but what he did or didn't do won't change anything. What is is. Hang in there, you're loved by lots of people!
I know if this is the way he truly feels, we couldn't carry on. That's why I am not doing the friends thing. I think the rough thing is my relationships mostly end over circumstance rather than "this just isn't working out" The love is still there, the circumstance just isn't.
I am really loved by many. Everyone has been taking good care of me, reaching out, checking on me, offering to spend time with me, just come over and sit with me...... I've got great people in my life.
...and if they did end because "this just isn't working out" you'd be trying to figure out why it isn't working out and whether it's legitimate or not. There's no easy way with endings. They're just sad.
