25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[AJM]

So my rambling point is that yes I look forward to the D being done soon, (if done fairly to me).
I look forward to making choices NOT involving = "how will it look to h if I do this?"

So does this mean you'll wait to have that freedom until he no longer bothers you? Or is threatening you with some sort of legal action? I hope that's not that the case, 25. I hope you aren't waiting on external factors.

The question my children have asked me, more than once, is why I stayed so long after it became clear (to them, anyhow) that h was mistreating me.

This^^^ is a hard thing to hear. It's NOT how great or sacrificial or martyr like it was of me to stay, but how *unhealthy*.

I struggled with stuff like this for a long time. I have to reming myself who is on the planet for whom - me for the kids or the kids for me? My thought on this? Do they know what 'healthy' is? Do they understsand what it's like to contemplate throwing away a 25+ year relationship vs. holding out hope that it'll change? Do they understand that there are more important things than "me"? and that can extend to relationships? I hope they get that, because if you were all about "me" then you'd have left them and the H years ago. Trust me, I've seen it

I believed the best case scenario (best for my ego) every chance I had.

Do you plan to change this about yourself? Hope is not a crime. It's not even wrong in many philosophies, nor harmful. There is so much more for you to see and experience, 25. Well beyond the 'me' of this world or the 'get what you're entitled to' mentality of our culture. To really experience life, there is soooooo much more, if you ask me. Both what may be perceived as good or not good.

These are the thoughts that will lead you down a dark path, 25. Because in that light of 'me' first, you'll seriously have to wonder why you stayed. And then you'll wonder who you are. Then you'll lose hope and faith in first humanity, and then yourself. And it only goes down hill from there. Ask me how I know....

You'll need to answer the question, 25. You can't avoid it becuase your kids will want to know. They'll ask and they'll need an answer.

I remember you talking in the past, and I'm not sure that re-remembering your reasons will serve you well. Maybe. But it's hard to see that as a positive step.

Personally, if being an optimist is a crime, or it leads to people thinking I have ludomania, then fine. They can deal with that.

As for me, I like who I am and how I view things. With some adjustments based on experience.

Peace,
AJM