180man Thread 4

[25yearsmlc]

Not that I'm an expert, but I second everything 25yrsmlc said.

My anniversary and wife's birthday are in May, too, and I'm not getting her squat. I'll send a card to my MIL, though.

I have to say, I think your detailed plan for GAL is great. Keep it up!

My W also has a birthday in May. Not sure how to proceed with that one, considering I don't want to appear to be neglecting her. Even though she still wants a BD. And I know what the rules say about gifts. As for mothers day, I may get her the most basic if all cards, since she is the mother of my child. Pretty sure my W will noticed the difference compared to me going all out in previous years.

Thanks Jim, thanks Tread. Hope my GAL plan wasn't too hard to read...the + items are things I've done already. I feel good about making some progress.

I know for certain I won't get her any presents, but I may consider a card like 25yrsmlc suggested...depending on how things go over the next few weeks, I guess. Our anniversary is the day before her bday, both are at the end of the month.

Good point on the difference between previous years and present. I hear what you're saying about following the rules, and I agree that gifts would not be a good idea in general. However, we're humans, not a math equation. I feel the desire to slowly reconnect with my W and it's possible that a card may be appropriate. 25 said to someone else on the board recently that perhaps if you open up a little, she will open up a little. I'm really not sure, but I do know that all is not black and white.

I think my words to a guy around here was that "Disclosure builds intimacy"

and I absolutely believe this with all my heart.

If my h had come to me with his inner fears and shame & whatever festered into his resentments and secrets, and had done it without judgement or anger

I suspect we'd either still be married in a loving m...

(or we'd have split long, long ago and known why...)

Disclosure and emotional sharing are, imo, how most EA's begin in otherwise functioning m's.

One spouse shares too little or withholds (very related), and the lonely spouse feels shut out, and or looks elsewhere, or leaves to do so.

The more authentic and open we are, the more safe our loved ones feel in being authentic and open with us...providing we are listening with open hearts and not judgement.