OK, why don't we discuss the subject of "snooping" ?
Before this crisis, I would have said I was against it. But my W tortured me with missing phone records, secret phone calls, beeper hits, and sneaking away mysteriously. I found myself compelled to investigate, usually at 2am after waking from a fitfull sleep.
I found $220 cell phone bills to the OM's number, compromising photos of them both, discovered she snuck off to dance with him, and some phone recordings revealed they "loved" each other w/ lots of sexual banter.
Although each discovery was profoundly devastating, sitting here now I'm glad I know (more closely) exactly what was going on. I know that the purported "friendship" was much more and I am operating from something more close to reality. She'd still maintain they were "just friends" if I didn't make the discoveries. I'd rather know that she had an A and CHOOSE to forgive, than to hide from it and have it never revealed. I bet hidden lies fester over time and poison the relationship later. Guilt would take a toll.
