Here I go again on my own...

[DonH]

Okay, here are some more thoughts, in order of importance (pretty much)

First and foremost, you are not wearing us out - not even close. These have not been rambling thoughts. It mostly all makes complete sense. In fact you are making remarkable sense given the pain.

I guess what keeps hitting me is the speed of all of this. I get that's as much about me. I jump into nothing, take my time with near everything, go slow and steady, don't do well with change. That's me but then again that's a lot of things. You can try to get rich quick and a few do. But the risk is huge and it often does not work out. The best way to wealth is slow and steady. It's much the same in love and clearly with what went on here. You both went all in right away. Is it then really a shock that FF jumped out as fast as he jumped in?

This is a lot about age and where he is in life - especially still living at home with mom and dad. He's still figuring out life. He just is and that's okay.

Why kids always think it's about them I can't tell you but I know they do, they just do. So D asking and I'm sure still thinking this somehow has to do with her is very much in her head. And let's be honest, she's not wrong! Sure it's not HER in specifics but it's any child. That's part of this. It's the attachment and her thinking, why does every guy I like come and go, my dad, previous BF and his daughter, now FF. It's in her head. Please continue to reassure her it's not her. She will need that.

Then there is this... D9 is not going to be D9 forever. In a few short years she will be able to stay by herself for a few hours. You can go to dinner with a guy or a BF or even go to a BF's house for a few hours. It's not that far away and certainly not in 9 more years. Then a few years after D can stay alone for a few hours, she will be off on her own. She will want less to do with mom - like near all teens do for a time. This again will not take until she is 18. While you'd certainly hope family likes a new guy, it's no longer a true deal breaker. So things will change quicker than you think. Even if you do want to wait, it won't be a 9 year wait - only a few years.

And yes, I do think it gets harder as time passes. Is it the more it happens or just more the age of it all? I think it's more the age. That's what I see anyhow. The older you get, the less risk you want to take. Find me someone in their 40s that does one night stands near the level they may have at 20. It may still happen but it's rare. When I was in my 20s I swear near every date involved a kiss. Not near the case at my current age. Things change. People change as they age.

Is he hurting like you? Who knows? Maybe yes maybe no. I still come back to the fact that neither of you are really wrong here. You two are just not a full match. I think that's what your dad is getting at - right or wrong and bad timing aside.

The good thing is, the benchmark for getting over someone is 1/3 the time you were together. I was with my exW 15 years and can say it took near 5 years to be fully over it. Here's to one month for you to heal! The thing is, if you get back together that will start the clock over too. Hard as it is, your best decision is to stay no contact. FF may try to jump back in as fast as he was out. It won't last. You don't have to like or even agree with the rules of the game but dating is a selection process. I think you are fighting that. You don't want to date 20 people to truly find the one. You can't change the rules. Lol. You don't have to like them you just can't change them. Right or wrong FF is trying out different people to see what he really fits with. As long as he's honest, that's not wrong. It's more foreign to you G and not what you like or want. But it's how life goes.

Again, this is not about you - not at all. This is only about FF and you don't match his list. You will match someone else's. I'm certain of it!

I'll shut up now.