Here I go again on my own...

[25yearsmlc]

apparent rejections always always feel personal. Heck, sometimes they are.

Not so much in this case however. FF was eventually honest with you about what he wants in life. An instant family is not on his radar.

"SHOULD" he have known earlier? Yes. He should (and I guess now does) know that he's not cut out for dating single moms. Period. He's done it twice now.

He's also living with his parents which is a red flag to me but maybe I'm too materialistic or just a lot older.

Point is, I'm not sure he's cut out for parenting anyone other than himself, soon...

So in a sense I guess it's "good" that you found out so early in the R, as opposed to 2 years from now....(I know that it's hard to feel "good" about feeling bad).

So I guess I get your dad's point (?) but wish he'd tell you that in a year...

Anyway, just a thing my MC told me years ago about dating when you have kids at home.

No specific time line, but a guide.

"Don't introduce your kids to OP until you are about 3/4 of the way into thinking 'this one might last & be permanent'---and give your kids 'reasonable' veto power."


I inquired what reasonable veto power was. MC said if your kids veto every OP b/c they want you to reconcile with your ex and you KNOW that won't happen,

it's not a reasonable veto power. Or if they hate all tall guys, etc.

But if they get an off vibe from or discomfort around the OP, even after a few interactions, I think the MC meant to give the OP the boot.

Obviously if the OP has any child raising issues and cannot contain them long term, they'd be bye bye too. I imagine it compounds the potential abandonment issues to have several mother/father figures leave your life - I mean, I assume that's what MC's point was.

In contrast, my favorite brother was single for 6-7 years after a particularly bitter divorce & custody battle. He eventually remarried a woman of substance, I'm glad to say.

But while single, he'd introduce his 3 daughters to almost every single woman he dated. Including women with kids of their own.

I always felt like everyone was auditioning, (& mind you, my brother is not a jerk, so who knows what jerks do?).

But he introduced those single moms to his kids like he was always trying to do a Brady Bunch thing and he would rush it, and it was...kind of weird. He's very successful and smart and handsome, but he'd rush it too fast too often. (According to him, he Wasted so much time and money on the wrong women).

I recall one woman he dated had a son, which my brother does not. (I know my brother would like very much to have a son).

SO They were at a family function awkward for us b/c we had to be "normal" as a family, around the new "candidate".

Anyhow, It was VERY early in the r, and her son told my brother he would miss seeing him during the week b/c brother was going out of town. My brother replied that he would miss the little boy. (Not sure what else brother could say but he probably meant it at the time.)

Now, just for the record, I KNEW in my heart, my brother was not going to marry this single mom. No fault of hers, but not a good fit. I also knew that a r was forming between brother and this little boy and it broke my heart to know that in time, brother would stop seeing this woman and her boy.

Yes, me and my sisters all said the same thing about not playing with little one's hearts but brother said that was how he'd figure out if there was a good fit.

SMH...but hey, my brother is human. He's a good brother &a great h and dad, so I guess he's allowed to be wrong. (I mean, I still think he was wrong but it's water under the bridge now, and I love his 2nd w).

So that is one extreme to avoid.

Oh, btw, He remarried a woman with 3 d's of her own, and they've had a child too.

Now brother has 7 daughters...just saying.

Ginger,

don't stop believing.