You guys aren't going to beleive this 4

[JRuss]

As you've pulled back and given her space and concentrated on yourself, she's noticed and is now doing what distancers do: trying to nudge back toward you to make sure you're still there, ready to pursue again. When you do, she'll pull back, again, and around and around you and your sanity will go.

As long as this dynamic is in place, your R will not be a good one. I have lived it. Keep doing what you're doing. In fact, double down on those things. She'll either have a full-on epiphany that what she does doesn't work for her, either, and will embark on fundamental change, or she won't. You can't control that and can only create the conditions that would allow it. Which is training yourself not to pursue, to drop the rope, etc.

Even if it doesn't work -- and it may not (distancing is the product of a lifetime of stuff that isn't easily unpacked) -- you're setting yourself up for a better life going forward without unhealthy attachments/co-dependencies.