Things are going OK in the world of Pinn after a whirl wind half a year or so. The passing of my Mom is still surreal for me but we had her celebration of life this past Saturday and almost 200 people showed up! Reading all the cards from the kids at school really brightened my day. WW stopped by which was nice. It was an awkward spot for her since she has not seen many of those people in 2 years. I was too busy so I couldn't make her comfortable or spend much time with her and she definitely received the cold shoulder from a few. But she dealt with it and there was no drama and the day was as good as can be given the circumstances.
I have Hawaii coming up at the end of the month woo hoo... can't wait! Still active as ever and just finished another half marathon. My time wasn't great but given everything that has been going on, I can't really complain.
In terms of WW, nothing really new, same old. With everything going on I can't really think about relationship issues right now. I suggested we revisit when I get back from my trip. We talk everyday in some form or another and get together once or twice per week. She is the one who initiates contact 95% of the time. I have to give her credit... she keeps going no matter how cold I am. And she does not complain about my lack of initiating. Sometimes I think about reaching out, but then think about the past, get mad and don't do it. It's hard. I am perfectly at peace with however this ends up. I worry that if we get back together, then the first 1-2 years would be great but then she would stray again. It is all I can think about when I see the old time posters who ended up back here recently.
She says I am like a completely different person. In some ways I am, but I am still the same. I try to be more assertive, be more of a man, be more confident, more outgoing and therefore, more attractive. I think I have succeeded on that. If she rolls her eyes at me, I don't put up with it, even if she is joking around. I share my opinions as they are rather than toning them down or sugar coating them to fit what she wants to hear. I really don't care what she wants to hear anymore. I am not mean, I just say what I think. It feels good. I also have no problem telling her I cannot get together if something else is on tap. No dropping everything and running every time she wants to get together.
We were talking about something my mom said and she started saying how great I am and how I am the best person in the world. To me, I had heard all this before. So I told her.. Yea I've heard all that before and looked what happened. Words are words and words do not matter much to me. She says that makes me feel like you think I am full of it. I said I know it seems like that, I am just saying actions speak louder than words.
So once I get back from Hawaii, it'll either be time to go see someone and make a real effort here or its time to move on for both of us. I am tired, I feel like it is ground hogs day... everyday is pretty much exactly the same. My friends came to my Moms celebration with their kids and I loved playing with them. I am not sure what my purpose in life would be without a family. And now I am really sad that my mom will never get to hold a grand child :-(.
Sorry for that rambling. That was long for me. Oh yea.. almost forgot.. looks like felon moved away so that is at least one less stressful thing for me to deal with.
