First time here part 2

[PsySara]

Let's back up a little. Looks like you were using the techniques properly but having trouble detaching. Go back and examine what you were doing that drew him toward you. Dbing is basically a mixture of CBT and solution focused brief therapy. You were doing well with the solution focused part but struggling with the CBT. You need to go to your thought process and do what's called downward spiral. This is a series of walk through on a specific thought process, to get to the automatic negative thoughts and then dismantle them. I'll give an example of my own ANT:

1. He left me because he's a cheater
2. He cheated because I didn't make him happy
3. I don't make him happy because I lack something.
4. I lack something because I am inadequate
5. I am inadequate because I am a failure.
6. I am a failure.

See that? The root of my negative thinking wasn't so much based on my WH's actions but my own irrational and incorrect thinking. I am not a failure, I am a physician that comes from a family of people who never made it out of high school. I did that all on my own with next to no support. But I was so caught up on defining my worth off his opinion of me. Him, a lying cheater! See how bizarre that was!?

So do downward spiral to get to the root cause of your beliefs and thinking. Dismantle the stuff that simply isn't true. DBing is about following a rational, healthy train of thought. Not "following your heart." Emotions are transient but your worth is not.