Imagine just for 3 minutes what YOU would feel like, if you were in your h's shoes, (and with the bravery you have shown inwardly).

Imagine how it would feel to own the pain you inflicted on others, the broken agreements and collateral damage,

AND imagine then, that you were to face the work ahead just to be on "decent terms" with those hurting people, suspecting & fearing that down deep, you'll never be very close.

Imagine how much work it would take to repair the r's, and to make them actually good again.

So, what are the options?

Would you run, surround yourself with others who don't know the truth or history of damage, and or anesthetize yourself in some way,

and or just collapse in a heap?



It's hard for me to imagine what I would do, but it is easy to see how the choice to run would be natural.

Thanks for putting this in perspective 25. You are such a gift. Your words have helped carry me through some very dark days. And you probably never even knew.

(((((25)))))

H's nephew is getting married next month several states away. It is about a three hour flight. I am much closer to this nephew than H. The nephew asked if I would be attending and I told him no.

H's sister, nephew's mom, texted him over the weekend and asked H. H then texted me and asked me what I thought about attending. I told him I would like to go (which is true, but the thought of a long plane ride with a toddler, renting a car, etc., etc., is more than I can handle on my own.) He said he would like to go as well. So, we're going. It's so strange. He has filed for divorce, hasn't served me, but wants to go to his nephew's wedding. Probably because I will act as cover for him. And for the same reasons I wouldn't want to take S by himself, he wouldn't want to take S by himself. I am willing myself not to read anything into it.

We attended a train show with S over the weekend. There was a company putting on a display that is in my H's exact same line of work. They were displaying their "toys." There were children climbing on the equipment, hanging out with the employees, etc. S had zero interest. H was clearly hurt and even commented that S had zero interest in looking at the equipment. He took it personally and was genuinely hurt. My goodness, S isn't even two years old. He has the attention span of a gnat.

I don't know if this is MLC related or if H is really this sensitive. It's hard for me to imagine what he would have been like in this scenario pre-MLC.

I didn't say anything to H or S about H's comments. I don't think S even heard them. But I did find them bothersome.

After that incident he went on and on about how he has asked other parents about little boys' fascination with trash trucks and S isn't a weirdo because other little boys also like trash trucks. What?!? He thought S was weird because he was fascinated with trash trucks? Really? Again, he isn't even two.

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. What does one even say to a comment like that? "Thanks for not thinking our S is a weirdo." "Thanks for doing some research and taking a consensus."

Like the other comment, I don't know if this is MLC or just who H is at his core. Regardless, I don't like it and I am bothered by it.