I am starting to feel on a more permanent basis ( I think) that I'm going to be ok....It's hard to explain, I just feel calmer and more centered, but ironically and frighteningly more "in love" w/H than ever....It's taken me 5 months to get to this point, seems like forever. I guess part of it is I just feel deep down that in the end he is not going to go anywhere, and I don't know if that's irrational false hope, setting myself up, or not, but that's what's in my "gut".... None of the positives in my sitch that I posted last week have changed....even if he is all over the place. Maybe that's a sign of his anxiety over the sitch....
Strange thing is, after being kind of weird and pouty last night in the evening, H was pretty wild and enthusiastic about ML, even though he'd been complaining earlier in the day about being tired. another point of confusion...What to make of this? Do you guy type people have any thoughts? ......I am as usual totally clueless.
I did have the thought the other day, as I was "pondering" my DB efforts, that I wasnt completely sure what to do to bring about the positive changes I want, but I was absolutely sure what I could do to "blow things up", and that maybe "doing the opposite" was something for careful thought.
I think H could easily become jealous and feel very slighted.....which leads me to the same conclusion, the guy's irrational right now.
