Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[skyhigh]

I read the posts of Blu wave and 25 and I fully agree with.

Don't try to mind read his outbursts that's a loss of time, it just a expression of their narcissist behavior, they see themselves as perfect so de facto they cannot bear to be criticized in any ways or showed they are incorrect specially coming from us the LBS.

Also, their outburst help them to "control" us, they know that we fear to lose them (since we didn't leave even after the way they treated us), so it's a way to affirm their domination on us and avoid the changes they don't want to make, they scream at us basically to shut us off. The more you are trying to negotiate the more they will keep going on, controlling that behavior is also part of the boundaries. My WH used to do that he still does from time to time, but now I just look at him and tell him, that form of twisted controlling behavior to justify his outburst is over and has not effect of me (basically the message I am willing to work on our relationship but if you don't change I will file for divorce and won't be shy to explain to people why) and I demand being addressed with respect and without any foul language because that's verbal abuse.

Piecing is not accepting poor behavior from WH in order to have him stayed, it just reinforced bad behavior, piecing is showing him that you love him but you won't tolerate being disrespected and you need to be ready to enforced boundaries, that talk about boundaries has to be done, I had one with WH, I listed my big NO NO and what he should modified if he wanted to stay in the family home, otherwise his suitcase was going to be delivered to his office with a hotel reservation stapled to it.

Did he try sometimes to reverse to his old patterns, yes, but I made sure to remind him of what we agreed upon and that the door was open.

Also, he told me what he disliked about my behavior (hey, nobody is perfect), and I made the necessary changes.

Piecing is a two-way street, if it's only a one way street, that's not piecing that's just accepting an unbalanced relationship which down the road will turn ugly again most probably. Reinforcing bad behavior had never a happy ending.