Hi Leah. I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing.

I think hitting the "reset" button is a great idea. I'm glad you recognize that you had expectations and wanted a shortcut. I really give you credit, because I think being in touch so frequently would breed expectations.

I see you saying "rejected" and I think you should dig into that. Did he reject you? Is this about you, or is it about him? Is there something in your past that leads you to fear rejection/abandonment? Really think about that.

I say the above because I really identify with you. We anxious/abandonment-fearers tend to pair up with distant abandoners because opposites attract. I think if there is a real connection, the only way to stop the pattern is for the anxious partner to become less anxious and more comfortable with distance and uncertainty. Only then will the abandoner stop running.

The frequent communication with your H meant that you didn't have to work on your anxiety or your fears of abandonment. I'm not sure where you go from here, because we've got to see what H does. But for you, I would work to become comfortable with distance and uncertainty. If he gets back in touch, be available, but not as much as you'd like. Create distance. It is your friend, even though it feels like an enemy.

And instead of letting yourself repeat negative messages to yourself about your worth, start questioning those statements. If you're an incredibly positive person, why is it okay with you that you talk so negatively to yourself? Those things don't mesh. So what is up with the "stringing me along" and "rejecting me"? Where did those come from? Are they true, or are there parts of you that are forcing what is going on into a certain narrative that proves your worth (or lack thereof)?

This is an opportunity to leave those parts of you behind. Learn to love yourself and be your biggest advocate. Treat yourself kindly, and every time you tell yourself a negative message, stop and replace it with a positive one.

Because, truly: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you are worthy of being loved securely. What is happening is not about you. You paired up with your opposite, and maybe while you're working on yourself, he'll be working on himself, and maybe you'll meet in the middle. And if not, you're in great shape to meet someone with a healthy outlook on life.

The above are all things I'm working on for myself, too.