Thanks guys, honestly sometimes the guy drives me up the wall. Bill, you said you think he's unsure of his decisions and putting that on me....do you think he's unsure of the decision to not see OW? (if it's still in effect)....Or testing the waters of an as yet unannounced decision to stay? I have searched my soul over our sitch and it was not great before and I certainly did many things in a less than optimal way, but I sure as heck was a lot more giving and caring and warm and less controlling than many people I observe in relationships. and it wasnt all my fault....some of what transpired was because of his own stuff....
His actions/statements the last couple of days show what makes me so mixed up and confused...he's so smothered that a good-night kiss "sucks up all his air", yet I go shopping in the afternoon while he's doing yard work and I'm back to my "old ways" and ignoring him; I get up too early and am too helpful and I'm "hawkeyeing and clinging", I stay in bed and let him do chores at his suggestion and I'm back to my old self not helping....I flirt and come on to him and I'm "making a good thing bad" because he "likes sex but not 24/7", then last night he sets quietly at the table and kind of sulks and says he's going to bed because I'm piddling around cleaning up (after he complains about things being messy) and then grabs me when we get to the bed room and is "into" it. Go figure. I am clueless, and the more I think about it the more clueless I am. the conclusion I come to typing this is the guy's nuts and I must be to put up with him! Then I recall that for years he's been the tenderest, truest, most steadfast person I've ever known, and I think he's truely lost it, what ever "it" is. It has to be MLC, and really is like the mother ship came by and sucked up my H and dropped an alien look-alike in his place. I thought the alien was slowly inching back to the ship, but then this week he seems to have come running back. I wonder if OW is playing some part in this? don't have a clue what it would be, maybe she's stepped up the pressure, more whiny and clingy? S has told me he thinks she was "feeding him a line about what a raw deal he has here at home".
I also wonder if maybe he does know his mothers plans for Saturday, she told him way back in Jan. or Feb. about them, I know, so maybe he's feeling anxious or pressured or....????
and of course, today he's here in this office, in the same building as OW, and probably having lunch w/her... kind of weird, I don't feel as "blown away" by that as I usually do...maybe I am getting to detachment....
Amazing, after all this I realize I do still love the guy. I must really be out of my mind!
