I don't know how he could call anything manipulative. Even if you spent a couple of hours out, that isn't being manipulative.
What it sounds like to me - at times he's trying to talk himself out of your R. He's pointing to things that aren't necessarily a problem except in his mind. You can't fight against this stuff, IMHO. Even if you changed 100%, whatever is in his mind may just be made up - ya know?
I don't know what you should do. Sometimes he wants you close, sometimes he wants you to leave him alone. And those times tend to not coincide with his! He's putting everything on you buy saying Old Deb - when I bet you weren't doing anything bad to begin with.
Don't push him on anything, he needs to work all his issues out himself. And they are HIS issues, they are not yours. You may not be perfect, but whatever the problems are, they are in his mind (for the most part). If he wanted you to help with chores, he could have asked. Maybe telling you he'd do him just allowed him to find fault with you for NOT doing them. Crazy!
Don't drive yourself nuts placating him. Work on yourself, do what you think is right. After ex-b dropped the bomb, he kept saying what a wonderful person I was - that I was giving, etc. Then after OW became an issue, all of a sudden he was listing things I'd not done! It was like he was talking about a whole different person! I am guessing she had to do with part of that, and he needed to talk himself out of me. He is MUCH nicer now!
Your H is like an alien, and is still acting like one.
