WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

I did NOT expect her to "agree" AND to start sleeping separately. Benefit of doubt a bit on her back, which she DOES have problems with, but... the coincidence is a bit much. She also had dinner/drinks with wayward BFF until fairly late Saturday (got home 1230) at distant locale. I don't THINK OM was there but i DO think BFF is serving as some sort of liaison, AS ARE a couple of girls at my W's office, who are pretty clearly covering for her. It's discouraging. Almost like the whole world is against me up here and wants my W and OM to get together. AND I'M BOTH A REALLY GOOD AND (blessed to be) a PRETTY GOOD-LOOKING GUY (especially for my age.) You'd think I'd publicly beaten her or something...

Then again, she went by his bar... but didn't go in. Which seems to indicate she is either a) not in direct contact with him or b) chickened out.

She is still clearly mopey.

My "plan" was to "put her out" if she refused to cut contact. If she continues to keep in contact and I KNOW it or can SHOW it my plan is also to "put her out" (to the extent I can-- don't think there's any legal recourse but I think she will cooperate given what I know and what she doesn't want known-- dont even think i would have to make the threat.) If she doesn't and I cant force it (house is co-owned) I will separate as much as possible and push forward with D filing if necessary. I have established as another "boundary" that I wont lie to the kids, so she knows she has that risk she is incurring if she continues. OTOH, if she makes a good faith effort to cut contact, my intent had been to try some counselling with a pro-marriage counselor I had found who I like very much. Keep DB-ing. In the short term, I had been going to give her a week to adjust and see how the cutting contact went. Tomorrow I am going to press her on the internet/email/social-media passwords. She is still doing a LOT of FB-ing and FB-messaging.

My major conundrum continues to be, though, how I'd reconcile the 180s and detaching with the NC-stage closeness and (if I do it as SEVERAL experienced folks have advised) MC. If she is TRULY trying to be true to the "NC" promise (and right now doesn't yet seem so), do I continue detaching and GAL-ing on my own and playing hard to get, or do I need to focus on being around. She never got and still hasn't gotten to a spot where I "interest" her, even IF she has committed to No Contact. At this stage, what's my best play to draw her interest. My assumption (and my plan) is that I should continue GAL-ing and detaching and distancing as much as possible (without being a jerk) until I see some signs of true remorse, etc. If that is my plan, though, and I think it is, how do I work the MC into that... because several knowledgeable/experienced folks have indicated to me that now might be a good time to try a little counselling.