Soccer was GREAT! I made it 90 minutes. For my body type, I think that's pretty damn good.
Went to pick up D, and W wanted to talk about parenting plan. Still wanted to swap the status quo for summer. I again refused. She offered a compromise where we would flip for just July. I'm still not buying. "Why not?" "Because I'm not planning her life on the premise that you never go back to work." "Don't worry about me." "I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about D. You cannot plan her life this way."
W then began to spew about how she doesn't know me anymore, and I'm not the man she knew. I don't say anything. This continues, and I eventually get baited into the conversation, but I'm pretty much just validating her. She eventually hits one of my buttons, but I don't react in anger, I just tell her that I see why she feels the way she does, and wonder why she doesn't accept what I am telling HER. No R talk as such, both of us are done.
W eventually apologizes for everything she has done. This has me flabbergasted. She doesn't apologize. I thank her for the apology.
W eventually tells me I look really good. I thank her for the compliment. W then asks about my date. I tell her I'm not really comfortable talking about that, but I'm sorry I brought it up. I said it our of anger, and regret doing so.
She really wants to know. REALLY REALLY wants to know. I see no harm, and tell her the truth--I HAD a date, but it got broken. She asks why, and I tell her, and in a rather surreal moment, she says, "That woman is stupid" for not going out with me.
W then bursts into tears and tells me she's been having dreams. "About what?" "About you doing things with someone else that you were only supposed to do with me." I really don't know how to respond to that.
W asks if she can have one last hug. She cries into my chest. All I can think of right at that moment is, "If I still wanted to fix this, I'm pretty sure we could." The problem is that I don't want to, anymore.
I tell W that I've about hit my limit, that I don't have the energy to keep this conversation going. Conversation turns back to D. I remind her she can see D pretty much anytime she wants. I bring up the things I've suggested that she rejected and tell her that I don't know how to do any more right by her without doing wrong by D. That she needs her mother in her life, but she needs the STRUCTURE she gets from me, too.
I THINK she says she's going to sign the papers this week. It's hard to tell through her crying.
