25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Vanilla

I will be doing Team for EE this year. If not July, then the one in the fall.

I'm not sure if I've seen a team member who has not taken the course itself first, but you'd have to ask them. The structure of the workshop is experiential, so no lectures, really. But there are exercises and demonstrations, which require participants not know ahead of time what an exercise will help them discover. That way you cannot edit or rehearse an answer - (which I have often done most of my professional life).

Doing team is incredibly refreshing and I've done it probably 8
+ times Since living back east, I later flew in from Texas, California and even Alaska, with participants. So I obviously think it's worth it.

Doing team always helps me feel peace & growth in supporting the participants,

and if needed, to make a breakthrough. (*Doing team doesn't cost other than getting there, so the actual cost of the workshop, over time for ME, has been nominal b/c I have done team so much).

And if I do start dating in a "real" relationship again, I'd want the future Mr25 to attend EE too.

Next topic - I still think I've got a joke in my leprosy analogy, but clearly I need a better punchline.

Thanks for the encouragement.

I was feeling really stuck yesterday, like going in a loop in my head.

I went out last night with an old friend who is very witty. We got our laugh on.

This morning I went exploring my new neighborhood with my dog and found a clean dog part (thank GOD! Huge life improvement, I swear).

I just feel better today. So yeah, the hammering we all do about GAL is advice we have to take ourselves. I've never seen it not help.

I know it is the main thing that helps. I knew it before and I know it now.

It was the heavy blanket of inertia, and a gloomy feeling of being overwhelmed, mostly by financial concerns but which always blend into emotional "H/WTF?" issues

that fools me into thinking I'm stuck.

The more directionless I feel, the worse. A new sense of purpose needs refining here.

My kids are out of the house and I'm not going to be h's wife much longer (legally I mean),

and the health issues threw me off my career path.

I'm still me and I have a lot of love in my life.

So this is rebuilding.

I'm not the first person to need to do it. I won't be the last.

And if I'm going to refer to h in this post or what's in his head, etc

I can only say that at least I don't have to rebuild my r with my children. Good luck with that, h.

In time They'll see him, (2 of them will, I'm pretty sure). With or without OW they will resume contact when he does, and I suspect he will do so, as soon as the money issues are settled. This troubled me yesterday. Like why does he get to treat them with no contact, AND me with crap, only to pretend all is well later?

But that's only HIS reality. The kids saw more than I did, turns out.

They have said they cannot ever be close to an "inauthentic person who keeps secrets" and my kids are very very authentic people.

They'll tell you how they really feel if asked, & sometimes when not asked.

They'll form good bonds with their SO's in their lives, and that makes me feel proud and happy.