After a deep and meaningful conversation with myself, and yes I answered and argued back! I believe I have concluded the following phases:

Target- including the love bombing and sweet cycle phases, manipulation and gaslighting, unaware, in 'lurve', hopes for the future, slightly bewitched, bothered and bewildered

Spell break - an incident or series of incidents to the red pill

Victim- staying to try and 'work' it out, self blaming, questioning, fear, dread and being treated badly, bullying and hurt daily, being great negative supply, knowing it's not ok but staying anyway, this was the long and very destructive phase of control and part denial

Grand finale: discard, drama, one major incident following challenge, mask falls completely from other, snake dead eyes, real fear of harm and injury, death threats and warnings of financial destruction

Boundary- gradually setting boundaries and becoming stronger, firm in NC

Recovery and Survival- peace and reading, uncovering, utube, learning, courses, IC, medical help, therapies of all sorts, dodging, more NC, drawing it out until I stabilise, being able to enforce boundaries, exercise, great eating, extreme self care, gradually feeling safer but triggered, cleansing, purifying and becoming

Fight back- (where I am now), standing firm on boundaries, defending divorce actions, legal cases, beginning to have a normal life, social life beyond family and friends, leaving home in the evenings

Thriving- freedom I hope!

--------------------

Juju

The lying in bed thing with research on addiction. It's part of the Kubler Ross phase, I stuck there for 9 to 12 months. You will get to a point of being gorged on it, sick to know more and still thinking somewhere there is magic.

It is ok to do this, truly, and in abuse sitches with gaslighting and mirrors, addiction and waste it isn't depression. Anxiety, exhaustion and trauma maybe. It ok, you are supposed to do this, it is a great sign that healing has begun. I guess that's a very tough phase to be in when your adrenals have exhausted and you are weary to the bones. It's ok, your broken heart will heal, extreme self care, great food, some exercise, lots of rest, extreme, extreme, extreme, and if I haven't said so extreme.

The loved ones of addicts reaaerch for a medication, a treatment, a word, a process that wilL make it OK. Eventually you will come to see acceptance in it. That it isn't your journey, and the peace will come and on to the next phase. This knowledge, this search for meaning is part of that which is needed to reach the higher self. And when it comes to you, the deep understanding that you rely and have care and love for yourself, that it's enough, this frees you from your loved ones and let's you allow them their path, even if that is to destruction. That is their choice.

Big hugs, you know where I am if you need a little Internet hug or a tiny bootstrap.

V

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW