I'm ok with limbo... to a point, so long as its productive. The challenge i have is whether i could make it more productive. There have been a few decent suggestions in my other post
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
I'm ok with limbo... to a point, so long as its productive. The challenge i have is whether i could make it more productive. There have been a few decent suggestions in my other post
IMO, you can almost always make it more productive (alternatively, less destructive). As gimmicky as it sounds, making a "bucket list" truly can crystallize goals for you. VERY helpful to do in the short run especially.
For GAL suggestions, let me mention some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, even in the winter. I had 3 kids including a baby - so I know what it is to be "busy". You cannot be too busy to GAL.
I believe Pain & Inertia are the greatest enemies to GAL. Overcome or set those aside just for awhile, & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life.
The more you overcome inertia, the better your R's will be with all people, including your w. Okay, so---
I volunteered at a battered women's shelter.
I coached a girl's softball team two summers (my older D was on it).
I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, (b/c our son wrestled).
I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast, too.
I did stand up comedy (and I still do it). I did a whole set once on MLCs at the Improv. It went well.
I learned to cross country ski, became a better target shooter.
I Learned to hunt big game, to deep sea fish, & I got better at downhill skiing.
I learned to use a snowmobile ("snow machine" to Alaskans) I loved riding it.
Learned to fly a plane.
Went skydiving. Loved it so much I did it again. I plan on doing it again!
Edited a hunting book.
I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I really did get in excellent shape. Looking good made a world of difference to me. Found a work out partner and began socializing after the work outs.
(Plus I'd just had our last child and I needed to lose the baby weight. It was not easy to do, let alone in the dark, deathly cold of their LONG winters).
In the winter, I used a tanning booth, which helped me a lot with depression. I felt more energized, and it probably helped my appearance, which also helped me FEEL better.
Saw a therapist and for some months, went on ADs.
Took a pottery class (very unusual for me to do, but I liked it a lot).
Joined the Officer's Wives club after 15 years of active duty.
(Wish I had joined sooner. Met two women who are now life long friends.)
Joined a writer's group Took a class in Conversational French Took a class in Italian cooking
There is more, but I just wanted to suggest to you a few things you can do that do not cost a lot. Other than pilot training, most of these ^^ activities were free, or quite cheap.
******
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thats a big part of things for me, and her as well, in that there is substantial shared debt as well as to whether to sell the house. I was and still am quite busy with settling my parents estate as well, as my dad passed away suddenly 2 months ago
I am so sorry to hear this^^. I think losing a parent is an under rated event. And it's a big deal.
My sincere condolences.
On a separate note, please keep anything you may inherit, separate...inheritances are not supposed to be part of marital property but if it gets commingled with other accounts, it's a lot harder to figure out.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Regarding my GAL efforts its more just doing it as her friends and family were those closest to me and as such became a bit of an introvert. I do work out and have began writing and even singing songs. Most recently joining a group to get together an play music - we finally get together in a week and a half, lol
I don't find i am depressed but disappointed in my past inactions and actions which brought me to this point, but generally I've been quite well. 90% of the time I'm doing good and pushing my carer forward. The finances worry me, not to mention our aging/ailing dog which i often spend time with as I'm the one who cares for him primarily. In retrospect our finances were no doubt a relationship stressor.
As for inheritance she's fully respectful that it is, or will be once settled be for me. although it would solve many debt woes, but not all. There has been a minimal ($2k) received which will go towards some immediate debt needs, but the larger inheritance of the estate will reside with me
she's really not contesting anything financially and is accepting of her part in it all and admitted she spends far more than i do, always has. it never bothered me so long as it made her happy
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
As you can see Im neither bitter, depressed or angry, but committed to the changes I've made, and continue to make. GAL is something i know i must do ways more of and greatly appreciate your sharing of what you've done
Ive come to recognize it may be a very long time if we were to reconcile, if ever, but still have a lot of fight and commitment in me. I'm not done, not by a long shot
I want a NEW relationship for the new people we are
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
it feel as though I'm letting her eat cake as she has no pressures regarding many household responsibilities and goes out all weekends. Any thoughts on how to address?
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
at present i can't compete with her new friends, freedom and most likely OM. I don't dwell on that which i can't control, but seek to be the best me. I just become frustrated on occasion. Often I remind myself my growth is for me first and that her decisions are hers. It doesn't always make it easier, but a reality check is sometimes needed
What I can control is our financial present and future and presently wrestle with whether i should say something as she is cake eating without really thinking through her future finances, as our shared debt is substantial. My soon to come inheritance, should she stay, would settle many financial woes, but i let her draw that conclusion. I also don't want her to stay for finances, but for desire and commitment to us, or not at all
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
