It's me again

[DonH]

I can't help but put in an aside to something you said. And I make this comment because I was a firefighter for nearly 25 years. I ran into burning buildings when everyone else was running out. I did CPR on babies and a few children. It was an awesome and rewarding part of my life that I'm actually still involved in - just not in the field anymore. It's great you care about FF and I don't want that to change. I just want to shine a truth spotlight here to say his job (and mine for 25 years) was no more dangerous than most others. It's just not. The FF's, especially the unions, try to play this all up and the public buys it hook line and sinker. Even the death rates are totally trumped up. Did you know if a FF dies in his bed while sleeping it's an on duty death? It's true. Hell if he goes home and dies within so many hours it's the same. Most "on duty deaths" have zero to do with the actual activity and more just the fact it was somehow related. If a salesman dies in a car accident going to a sales call, well it's sad but he just dies. If even returning from a fire (no lights or siren in use) it's still a death in the line of duty for a FF. Certainly FFs do get injured and a few die in a fire but it's far a few between. All this is a good thing - a really good thing. So don't worry too much as his job is likely no more dangerous than a nurse who encounters vilolent patients on a weekly basis. It's just not. Again, I did it so I have true first hand expierence - along with statistical and political expierence to just know it's not all too dangerous at all - at least not many would assume it is.

As for the rest, I once again feel your pain here. I put myself in your shoes and I know full well that even if I knew what I were doing is not good or healthy, I likely would not be able to stop or change. It seems everyone keeps saying this has all gone too fast and you are pushing too hard. You seem to know it as well, but changing is the hard part. Still if there is anyway you really can change your actions, that will help greatly. For me DBing is not only for Rs, it's for life. It applies all over the place. I don't think it's bad if you have to apply DBing only three months in. See i think you should do them 24/7. It's truly health behavior for life. You have to back off and let things happen as they will. Convincing yourself that you are worthy and an awesome person is likely first on the list. And you are. Confidence is sexy as hell and will draw FF and others to you while pursuit and white knuckling this R will push him away. It really will. You already know what he does with clingy - right? Don't be that person. Just be YOU! If it's going to work, you can't be anyone else but who you are. You can't make up for his shortcomings. It won't work.

Thing is, I so get it. It's easy as [censored] for me to say these things but I'd struggle doing them - or at least I may. As I think back, the women who pursued me the most or hardest are the ones that I did not chase after - including my exW. That's not a Coincidence. The harder you try, the farther he will pull back. Don't let that happen. You can do it! I know it seems silly and just wrong that the. More you really want it, the less you have to go after it, but it's just true.

When this first started - again ONLY a few months ago - you said that the two of you just worked. Is that still true? Was it ever or was that what you wanted to see? It almost seems like you see what you want things to be even if they really are not. You overlook, forgive and excuse. This is too new for him to have "changed" already. If anything, he's show you who he is - and you are doing the same.

Finally, I bring this up just to perhaps rule it out. I actually don't think FF is love avoidant. Still, one of the big signs is he will at first appear to be a great, caring, open guy in search of love. But that stops after a short time. Again, not saying he is, but the profile does fit. I'd at least consider it to rule it out.

That's all I got. Lol.