25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Ah, the marriage question. Mr TDH ( hereforth to be known as Mr SEB for Sociopathic Ex Boyfriend)?used to claim he wanted to marry me. I hid behind the excuse of not being able to marry until my alimony was through, but the truth is, I really don't want to marry again.


I'd love to be part of a long term committed relationship; but have no desire to commingle finances or be stuck with going through another divorce in the future. Other issues could be dealt with by using wills and powers of attorney etc. So unless there was a significant clear cut financial benefit, I'd rather not marry.

Don't get me wrong, I think marriage is a wonderful institution and a necessity to protect women when they're raising children. Just at my age (61) I don't see the point.

I hear you^^^. Lots to think about.

Turns out being a L AND a stay at home mom for the last decade+, means I've gotten 0 interviews

and that was before the seizures & weird meds I'm on. So that's lovely for the ego

and h's lawyer filed a motion to determine WHEN exactly I can support myself and blah blah blah.

OH And he quit his great job. If I have to work so HE can retire, I'm gonna do a one woman whine/scream show.

Good grief. It's like the laws themselves help protect us, ON PAPER

but to take him to court every time he violates the orders, only to have a judge say "hey h, do it"

(it's not the same as contempt of court in a criminal trial where a judge fines them or puts them in jail for a day).

So the Process favors the a$$hole unless you hang in there a long long time.

Makes me think taking the 401k's entirely, in lieu of h's monthly "allowances" - you'd think they were gifts FROM him to me...is appealing even if the math is not totally in my favor.

Which is h's goal I assume.

If I were working and had income to cover the legal costs, I'd be a harda$$ (no money this month so far and only half of the ordered amount last month) AND h claims a new high tax bill and thinks I will "owe him a lot of money"

What???? is he literally insane? He's never paid me the right amount and I have no job and his income was VERY high...

okay, okay, deep breaths...i know in the long run it will save me money to fight him, and the unjustness of it all, will be a little eased if I fight.

I'll feel like crap if I cave in to unreasonable demands.

I'm borrowing money from my sister to pay legal fees.

Geez, what the heck was my point in this post?

OH YEAH - to agree with Ellie about not feeling certain of another m.

And yet, I do love being part of a couple. Then again, I have not been truly single since I was a teenager. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe being single is THE thing...I do like drinking my coffee's half & half right out of the carton, without any disapproval from my dog. (She encourages it.)

Hmm, I wonder if my dating experience is a tad out of date? (Nonsense!)

I can envision being in love again. I do envision it. That helps me.

For some reason I'm not terrified of being hurt again. Like I think I'd just move on fast but maybe that's b/c I'm already detached from any future r. Yikes how weird is that?

I've got a mountain to climb before I feel as desirable as I used to feel. In my head I know I'm attractive (not bragging, just being real). And YET...

Like it's the intimacy issue for ME, (I like sex, FTR)

but getting there...

Ramble over