God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves

[25yearsmlc]

((( JuJu )))

Thank you all for your posts and responses. They really mean so much.

This discovery has been really, really hard for me.

All the secrecy. The double life he led. This scares me so much.


because you think differently of yourself in the past, now?

Or the gas lighting?

And Or the addiction itself?

I just feel so naive. I think I am in a pretty deep depression and not quite sure how long this will last. Doing things that are unstructured (work, taking care of son) are challenging. I just seem to lie in bed or google stuff on addicts. And its not productive.


Juju, 2 questions-- is it okay to be sad awhile? And, why is it non productive?

I ask myself the same question

at what point is the self examination and study to learn from this crap, turning into depression and wallowing and being stuck...?

I don't know. Maybe when I get too sick & tired, of feeling sick & tired...?


I feel lonely, but when i spent times with friends last night I still felt lonely. All of my friends had stability and partnerships. They are in great places of their lives. They are building futures.

hmm...like on fb with highlight reels? Or do you really believe that they have no challenges in their life? I'm not debating, just probing your view...of course I'm not where you are in stage of life. But your second guessing & asking "what happened and when??" really resonates.

One thing my T said that helped, was realizing that I believed things were true, b/c I wanted to validate my choice to stay, (subconsciously).

That itself does not make me - or you - stupid. Sometimes you just have to trust the love of your life.



And I am at a bottom. (i am just hoping no more landslides down)

It feels different then BD. At that time, I felt hope that there could be reconciliation. I felt MOTIVATED to work on myself. My ego was deeply wounded and I felt motivated to be be attractive and to do. I do not feel that way right now.

Instead I just feel defeated.

could it be your form of resignation and acceptance? Are those required for you to detach fully, to no longer have him as a factor in your choices?

Is that^^ bad?

Before you realized the core issue, or that his inner turmoil was not something you had any control over at all, you DBd and believed your course of action could change the marriage. I totally get that.

The feeling of being "defeated" after years of feeling you could make a difference... resonates with me but for different reasons.

So if we and our children are collateral damage in a struggle not of our making, now what?

He took away so much from me. Things that were communicated and we were in agreement with from the beginning of our committment. Financial stability, and more children.

He kept everything a secret. He deprived me of a relationship. If i had known, I would have had a choice. It would have been more of a partnership because he would have been sharing something with me that affected us as a whole.

I always said, we never had a team unit.

I'm nodding and getting this^^^^...


no words



Its been almost 2 years since he left. And I am really struggling to move forward. To be productive. Doing the mundane right now. This is challenging me.

you may feel lonely, but you are not alone.

How long has it been since you fully realized the core problem and extent?