Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

Mental hygiene update. I know I ramble.

I'm realizing I never posted here as much as I thought I should because I got the same advice over and over from other posters. I suppose I wasn't listening. I was discussing some recent outburst from W and my mother pointed out that I am always "re-loading the spring" to get ready for more of her drama and to react with anger on the basis that I don't deserve this. I think she's right.

I'm making improvements at GALing, detaching, validating and being non-confrontational with W. I'm not where I want to be, but I can see the difference between now and last summer when I was a blubbering pile of tears talking to myself all night. I'm also taking steps in facing fears - tiny ones. It's never a specific fear that I have, but just the general fear of entering situations with anticipation that something will go wrong.

GALing means stepping away from here as well. I still check in a couple times a week to catch up as much as I can. Irish, Gordie, HaWho, SBJ, bttrfly, Coly23, Pax, FightOn, CaliGuy... I'm still following you. Soldier on. I don't know if Mach1 is still posting. Hate to say it, but I've grown to like his 2x4s - whoever he's swinging at.

Three weeks ago, I started using the library for internet access while my computer was being repaired. It was so peaceful to job hunt online without 2 little kiddos climbing all over me. I am still visiting the library daily just to read a periodical or watch something on my tablet. I love my boys so much, and I feel bad when I leave them alone with W and her mood swings, but I need to decompress. Anyway, she's determined to go the single mom route so she might as well get a taste of it.

Still job hunting. Unemployed for 4 months now. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I have enjoyed the downtime. I am keeping busy with submitting my resume wherever I can. I am also taking online seminars on ways to improve my resume and my online profile, so my resume is a work in progress.

I hope I got a break this week. I interviewed with a company on Monday. They called the next day to schedule a 2nd interview with the immediate management staff that I would be working with. I interviewed on Friday with 2 supervisors and felt a decent rapport with both of them. I got a great feeling from everybody that I met. It's the same type of management position, just a different industry. I was told not to expect to hear from anyone for another week. After so many rejection e-mails and no replies from resume submittals, it was encouraging to be requested for a 2nd interview within the same week. As I left, the doorman in the lobby joked with me that he knew I was gonna get the job just based on the suit I wore.

W's MLC Friends and real friends all seemed to disappear at once for about a week - so she was focused on the boys for a while and being nicer to them, but not as interactive as before. The alien soon returned - whisper-to-a-scream commands and lectures, lectures, lectures. Good Heavens, she loves to sit them down and babble for upwards of 10 minutes about why they need to clean their room or why she "isn't the maid around here". I wonder if this how MIL treated her growing up.

W is the same. In bed - TV, texting, video games. Now she takes ephedrine tablets in the day and melatonin pills in the evening. Up until 2 AM every night, often sleeping in her clothes. Telling the kids "go ask/tell your father" whenever possible. Trying to turn EVERY conversation into an argument. I noticed a few instances where she went without bathing for 2 - 3 days. I don't think she noticed the time passing. Her new obsession is having no body hair.

Still on phone with OM all day and night, gossiping about other people's problems and listening to him talk about his job or his M problems. She hasn't had any late night "mystery" disappearances in a while. I think OM is just an EA now, but I could be wrong. I don't care right now. I am DBing for the sake of it, but I don't feel as if I'm standing.

W stopped preparing dinner for the boys, they ask me for it. She also doesn't help S8 with homework anymore, so I step in whenever necessary (Common core math is ridiculous). Nonetheless, whenever the boys get the house too dirty, she grinds her teeth at me and repeats how she can't wait for the D to be finalized so she can "do this all my way!".

Last week, S3 was visiting MIL downstairs. I hear him crying and coming up the basement staircase towards the 1st floor. MIL was bringing him upstairs because he got a bloody nose. The thing that stood out was when MIL got to the top of the staircase, she opened the door and called out for me, not W. That's never happened before, ever. She may be acquiescing to the fact that I'm the more attentive parent these days.

I did a load of my laundry a few days later. MIL has a habit of taking loads out of the washer and putting them in the dryer no matter whose it is. I came downstairs to the laundry room to find that she typically put my clothes in the dryer, but she got hangers and hung up all my shirts as well. Another first.

MIL recently returned from 3 weeks in Guatemala. While she was gone, W's oldest sister suddenly appeared for weekly visits and frequent phone calls. Strange thing is, big sis lives 90 minutes away and only bothers to visit or call during major holidays. Once MIL returned from Guatemala, big sis stopped her contact. It's possible big sis just doesn't want to hang out with my W while MIL is there, but I can't help wonder if MIL asked big sis to visit and keep an eye on W while she was in Guatemala.

Big sis is on the verge of D herself (15 years of raging alcoholism has taken it's toll). I heard W on the phone with her saying how they're going to support each other through this difficult time. It's the deaf leading the blind as far as I'm concerned, both are too lost in their own fog to be empathetic towards anyone else, but it's healthy for them to try.

MIL recently shared with W that while she was in Guatemala she went to a church and lit prayer candles for all her daughters, and said something along the lines of "I'm hoping you'll get through all of this but that may include having to get your head out of the sand".

Despite the unemployment, despite legal costs of the D, and despite W's roller coaster moods towards the boys, I am making a point not to panic about anything. I can't say I'm happy with everything, but I am feeling content that I am maintaining under these circumstances. Peace to all.