Thank you all for your posts and responses. They really mean so much.
This discovery has been really, really hard for me.
All the secrecy. The double life he led. This scares me so much. I just feel so naive. I think I am in a pretty deep depression and not quite sure how long this will last. Doing things that are unstructured (work, taking care of son) are challenging. I just seem to lie in bed or google stuff on addicts. And its not productive.
I feel lonely, but when i spent times with friends last night I still felt lonely. All of my friends had stability and partnerships. They are in great places of their lives. They are building futures. And I am at a bottom. (i am just hoping no more landslides down)
It feels different then BD. At that time, I felt hope that there could be reconciliation. I felt MOTIVATED to work on myself. My ego was deeply wounded and I felt motivated to be be attractive and to do. I do not feel that way right now.
Instead I just feel defeated.
He took away so much from me. Things that were communicated and we were in agreement with from the beginning of our committment. Financial stability, and more children.
He kept everything a secret. He deprived me of a relationship. If i had known, I would have had a choice. It would have been more of a partnership because he would have been sharing something with me that affected us as a whole.
I always said, we never had a team unit.
Its been almost 2 years since he left. And I am really struggling to move forward. To be productive. Doing the mundane right now. This is challenging me.
