It's me again

[25yearsmlc]

WOW,this is all such great advice and it is coming at a great time. I need it plus the support. We had a fight last night, I snapped, and we didn't say anything to eachother this morning.


I was waiting to see if he was coming over. I asked straight out. I'll spare the details. But he got cold and shady with me again and I called him out on it and he pretended like he wasn't being. I finally said "whatever, goodnight" at 5pm. he said "night" and I didn't hear from him at all.

I swore to myself I wouldn't reach out but I did

I'm sorry but I don't get this^^ at all. I don't know if there are red flags in him or his behavior. But I believe this R is going way too fast.

Curious question to all of us, Have any r's really stopped b/c they were "taken too slowly"? My guess is - no. I don't think so.


- Like the temp testing jerk I am I said "miss you" and he said "miss you too" which was early this morning. Haven't hear boo since and he always keeps in contact.


lots of expectations ^^here, just 3 months in...


So I am taking all my willpower to not chase. We witched to me being the pursuer, and I always am. If I have learned anything from my marriage and R's is that I need to stop.


how can you work more on ^^this? It seems very sabotaging. So I'm sincerely asking.


I can't make someone like me or want to be with me. I'm too old and tired for these games. So, if he cares, he could come after me. I'm not doing it this time. I need to stay strong. I want to reach out, temp check, see where we are, but I expressed my concerns to him, he hasn't addressed them and he's cold. He could either break up with me or he could show me he wants to keep dating me and getting to know me.

is all of this on him, and are you powerless? It's a lot of responsibility to put on him.


KML, I will not be readily available. He always kind of assumed we would spend time together unless we made actual plans with someone else,

If true, why would this happen? Why would he assume this? Are you sure you are not mind reading?

-
Today will tell a lot.

How so? What will 'today" tell you?


I'm DBing 3 months in which isn't good. I was never good at DBing when I was married.


ugh

I keep reminding myself of my worth and another failed relationship isn't a reflection on me.

WHOAH....what "failed relationship"?? You mean if a r does not turn into a 60 year happy marriage, it was a failure?

Christ, what happened to dating? What about having fun together, learning to be intimate again, learning to love again and trust - and then realizing you are not meant to be together, forever? Is that "failure"?

Remember in the movie Under the Tuscan Sun, when she feels so sad about the end of her fling with Marcello? And he is so calm, kind and at peace (and great looking) and honest with her about how these things have to come naturally but that he really enjoyed their time together. AND she got a great boost from the Marcello R, which lead her to being ready for the right guy at the right time, later on.

Geez, I'm not sure I want to believe that every r not leading to permanent joy, means my entire 35 year marriage was one long slog thru epic failing...

G- you are putting big expectations on every r, every piece of the r, and on yourself.

Relax, slow down, enjoy what's around you.


I'll be fine again alone if that's what it will come to. I miss the guy I met. The attentive sweetie. The one who gave a crap. I miss him. But if it's him, then maybe I missing a lie yet again.

Oh Ginger...

It's a 3 month relationship that went fast. Probably too fast, as it seems. It felt great! It may again. I do not mean to minimize the way our old baggage gets triggered.

Maybe you can lower your expectations and hopes, and lower all the pressure on what THIS day brings...

and be glad you met this FF guy, and had fun & some closeness, and maybe just take it easy.