Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[PsySara]

Leah,
I can't file until I get some finances straightened out. Meanwhile this means WH will be moving with us when I move us into the new house. I am focusing on the fact that the kids get to spend their evenings with both parents for now.

Sky,
I have wondered about WH's bursts of anger, they are often out of proportion to the perceived offense. I have vacillated between thinking he is projecting to he thinks he should be treated like he's perfect no matter how far that is from the truth. In the end it was just me trying to mind read and it was a waste of time and energy. I have come to the conclusion that WH simply lacks the depth to be introspective and actually look towards fixing what is wrong with himself, he can only see other's faults, never his own. As far as self care goes, as soon as the cardiologist clears me I am going to the gym again and also need to GAL a LOT more.

25,
Thank you for long, well thought out post. There are a LOT of parallels in our stories, aren't there. The ablation situation really was a light bulb moment for me. It brought me face-to-face with the lopsided nature of our marriage. If I am honest I can honestly say it's been like this since the beginning. Early in our marriage I became pregnant and then miscarried. I required a D&C and WH was working in the same hospital, he was on call that night and only visited me for about 5 minutes after the procedure. The next day I was being discharged and his chief walked up (I was holding my bag of belongings in the lobby) and asked WH if he wanted to come assist in a wound-vac changed. WH agreed eagerly and left me in the lobby for over 2 hours. I was completely stunned. Years later WH admits that was wrong but part of me wonders why common sense compassion seems beyond him? I think WH doesn't realize I have reached my breaking point. I don't plan on discussing divorce with him until I have the financial stability to file and follow through. At that point I will alert him so he can hire his lawyer as well. The amount of detachment I feel right now is amazing. If he were to walk out the door right now and say he will only come around for picking up the kids for his visits I would feel only relief. That's a HUGE change from before.

Bluwave,
It's taken a long time to reach this place but like the turtle, I finally got there. WH has a very low emotional IQ, I have two MC who've said the same thing. Can someone change from that? I have no idea. My main fear is how WH will treat our kids when they are older and more discerning. He doesn't react well to people calling him on his BS, he deflects and attacks. As far as the Four horsemen go, he uses stone walling, defensiveness, contempt and criticism...all of them. I have a huge problem with criticism and I am trying to work on that.

J5K,
I am getting there. My sleep is improving and I find myself ruminating less. Thank you for your words.

I will probably do some GAL tonight, my cousin is in a play and I plan on seeing it. I am going to go all out, I am dressing up, make up and perfume. Why? Just 'cuz, lol!