Flotsam

[25yearsmlc]

wow

I just noticed that among the "options" I listed, was not "do the gut wrenching brave and HONEST WORK and put in the TIME to repair your r's..."

b/c I guess I just know it's not really an option for my h.

yikes...that's some brutal reality.

I'm feeling the "missing the h I had" pieces of life, to be shorter and fewer.

Flotsam, when I'm as open to this reality as I can be, knowing what I know now,

no, I would not do more than have an interesting dinner with h. (Assuming he was in a good mood, which got rarer).

He was NOT a good h for me for the past X years, (who knows exactly?)

H was an absentee, controlling, demanding father. The girls felt unloved. That's just so sad but they say it's true.

Hard to know when this^^ happened, what years were real, and or how long I was blind.

UGH

I'm redirecting my "camera" now and trying to make this a transformative experience that is not laden throughout with pain and guilt and self doubt

and instead, is one of hope and optimism and faith. I swear I'll get there.