Physically separated from my wife for 3 months. I pretty much did all the wrong things for the first 2.5 months, then I read the book (Divorce Remedy). I can't say that I've been completely followed all the suggestions at all times since then, but I've been trying, and I've noticed some improvements for sure. She is seeing someone else though, and tells me she likes him. I've never been especially supportive or complimentary, and that's the main reason she left. Apparently he is all the things I wasn't.
Anyway, I'm committed to improving those areas, amongst others, and have thought long and hard about how to do it. I wrote her an email and discussed with her all of this, and that I want to try and fix our marriage. She's obviously skeptical, but seemingly less so every time I talk to her. All of her words seem to indicate that it's too little too late though, and that she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. Her body language, OTOH, and her inviting me over every now and then, is telling me that she's still considering it. I think she just doesn't want to lead me on or give me false hopes, but she wants to test me. We talk or see each other once or twice a week, and then she just disappears for a few days in between.
We went out for drinks last night, and she told me that she doesn't want to see a counselor or work on the marriage (I asked her previously to) and that she thought it was over. As much as that hurt, I kept it together, and while I expressed my regret, I was very accepting of her decision. Then something strange happened. I could see the surprise on her face at the way I handled the bad news. Her body language completely changed and she began casually touching me a lot. I changed the subject and we got another drink. We talked about movies, politics, the world. Then we got some take-out food and went back to my place. We watched some TV, ate, and she got really comfy on the couch, putting her legs over mine almost like we never separated. She stayed for about an hour and then she left, texted me something funny in the morning, and then radio silence since then.
I'm pretty exhausted from the constant emotional rollercoaster we've been on. Not pursuing her is really tough though, and the thought of her out with that other guy is eating away at me. I'm tempted to tell her that if she's sure that she doesn't want to make any effort to saving our marriage that we might as well file for divorce now. I absolutely don't want that, but I don't want to be in this holding pattern either. I'm willing to be patient, but it's apparently not my strong point, and the silence between our communications is deafening.
Any words of wisdom from those who've been there? Should I trust her words or my gut?
