25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

First off, wanted you all to know I ate some grains AND gluten today...b/c I could.

And I could reach these evil foods on the lower shelves, where I myself placed them.

(Granted, the top shelves are empty b/c I can't reach them...but that's what the future men I date will help with).

25,

I'm sorry you are back. It is completely understandable that you have a difficult time getting your h off your mind. You were with him 37 years!


Yeah, no kidding. You'd think I'd be better at this, but so many other changes have happened in my life the past 16 months.

The whole health scare is still part of my life, 2 moves, including one cross country, and my first time in 30 years empty nest, oh, my mom dying, and a few other choice events

were all like cat turds on a $hit cake.

H has an OW to put all his focus on (and b1tching about paying me all HIS money...)
and a job - unless he really quit, which I don't believe is true OR will last.

So I assume It's far easier to have an "out of sight, out of mind" approach when you are so busy with a new life in a new place that has been his mistress for years (Alaska, I mean. Who knows about OW??)

If the A was longer than last summer/fall, then his dishonesty is only that much crappier...and weird. I'm telling you, He $ucked at theater, but turns out he really can act. Missed his calling.


Point is, OH WELL...I need to remind myself that what I lost was a man who was increasingly critical and short tempered even while giving me enough to hang onto...

what I lost was a guy who didn't have my back. I have my flaws, and they are not few.

But man, I've gone through more than most w's would have, with loyalty and love and humor and intelligence. Plus I'm awesome in other ways...

it's morbidly fascinating to realize how much the blows of rejection or their leaving and the way it feels like criticism (which it is, in reality) serves to lower our self esteem, which creates self doubt. Like suddenly I'm really indecisive. WTF?

I'm noticing that seeing the past with a different lens, undermines my memories and recall of the marriage. AND that makes me wonder how sharpened my social cue picks up are. I'm an extrovert and have a ton of friends. Friends from the age of 4.
I work to maintain relationships...

so how could I have missed what was happening?? That he was checking out?

Now I question way too much of my past. Ellie, (KML) how did you process that? I cannot recall how long your m was either, or the kids issue. I think you have one?

Query - Maybe it's better if Just For Now, I let go of the past and stare at my own role, later??


I don't think I'd date h if we met now. I don't think I am just saying that. I love his charm and there's chemistry. H is smart and gets my HILARIOUS jokes (who wouldn't?) We were oddly well suited in many ways.

But the past 2 years (and off and on, since his "MLC") there has been more rude abruptness, social or political awkwardness I had to "lubricate", the lying by omission and to my face, the chronic undermining of the past 2 years, ...and the manipulations with money... sheer idiocy with investments, which we could NOT discuss b/c he heard everything as an attack, even when I worded it as if I was sedated...
what a plague this ordeal has been for our family.

I have to keep telling myself that the man I married & loved, is pretty much dead.

(if i'm repeating myself, I apologize. It is hard to remember what I've said to whom, not just b/c of the medications. But hey, maybe it helps it sink in more to say it again in writing & then reading it)...

The reason I say he's effectively dead is not to be vindictive. Truly. It's to free myself of wondering how h would view my choices. I'm telling you it's insidious how it happens.

The choices I want to make, whatever they are, are much easier when he's just not a factor.

When I envision my life without h being a factor in my decisions, and with money issues at least half way favorable, I feel so much freer and optimistic about my future. It's really true. Thank God h lives far away.

Must be a nightmare to run into these guys in town often...ugh

So that's ^^ a generic goal of mine. Assume he's either dead or on Mars so he's not a factor. Guess this is actually a form of detachment, eh?

Back to ME/me/me - Specific goals - This week I MUST get as much of my GDC (Gross Div Crap) done as I can.

And I will join a group or volunteer somewhere, whatever, some NEW GAL activity by Mother's Day.

And I'm going to see my youngest for Mother's Day.


Ellie is so right. You will know when you are ready to date, and while I don't have any real advice, I can say I went for the hot guy when "getting back on the horse."

I see dating as 2 - 3 forms. First is the group you are referring to as getting back on the horse. They may help me get over the hump...so to speak...but that would be physical.

Paradoxically I've always associated sex with emotional connection, so it's hard to believe I could just have a physical only R.

2nd type is for guys I might really be able to fall for, which I am not ready to do. So what's the point yet?




3rd group of guys are in between these^^ or just guys who I have known a long time and who I might date and see what evolves.


My therapist HAMMERED me about not marrying the first guy I date. She insisted. I didn't think she needed to say it so much but I guess she has seen it happen a lot.

Yes I know that's what h may do. C'est la vie.
Not my sandbox and hey, he never went to IC. I guess in some ways I'm the one with a head start... I cannot imagine doing this, soon. Just replacing my h with OM. My kids are very supportive of me dating but I tell them it's too soon and that dating does NOT mean moving on and NOT dating does not mean I'm not moving forward. I'm trying to be smart and healthy. I have been asked out, but I'm not "out there" yet.

yes I can imagine having another h, I guess.
Like a Mr. Perfect, except he won't be...and I won't have 35 years of history or 3 kids...

Thoughts on people remarrying ever, when? Is it our (my) age that makes us afraid to be alone in our later years? OR our need to be in a partnership? H is 60 and it strikes me as pathetic and ever so cliched, but that is, again HIS sandbox.

Maybe b/c I have many siblings, I don't THINK i'll mind being alone for awhile, but I admit I don't envision myself alone forever.


I figured I may as well go big or go home😊.

Did you feel insecure about anything physical, like stretch marks from pregnancy? I gotta admit if money were no issue, (and let's hope it won't be...sometime) I'd get a tummy tuck. Yeah, I have to wonder if that is what I want, or what I think h makes me think I want.

Christ.

And if it's any consolation, x Mr. GB had to divorce me because of the way I are tacos. Maybe I'll have a taco in his honor because it's Cinco De Mayo?

Hang in there!

Well, Georgia, eating tacos the wrong way is a deal breaker for a lot of folks. Should have had that in a pre-nupt...

Were they the loud crunchy type of tacos, the kind that are NOISEY AND DROP CRUMBS?? Which attracts pests...and then who knows what kind of damage is done.

Or were they the soft but sloppy kind?

these things matter

Now, back to me & my gluten snacks...