Coly.....I can hear your anxiety in all of this, and I am so sorry things are tough right now.
I remember the first time I saw my H after not seeing him for 4 months....I was freaking out and so scared he was going to say things I didn't want to hear. I remember coming here and telling everyone I was scared to meet with him. Several on here gave me some very excellent advice. I remember Bluwave wrote this to me and it was very helpful, so I will pass it along to you.
She said:
You can do this!!! Prepare for the worst, and do not let that (or him) change your course. If you can do this, you will feel so much better about yourself. He doesn't determine how you respond, got it??? Even if he shows up with D papers and says/does the most unimaginable things--I'm never coming back, I want D, and I never loved you, spew, spew, etc--you are going to do the same exact thing. Got it?
Here it is: Poker face. Listen, listen, and listen. Say nothing! Read up on the validation cheat sheets and use them all. Those are your best friends right now. Let him do all the talking. Got it??? Even if he lies, spews, attacks, and makes things up. Just listen. Offer nothing as to where you stand, feel, and what you want--he already knows anyway. It's ok if he thinks you are losing interest--that's ok right now. He needs to see you are not angry and that you are safe to approach.
If he tries to ask you questions, or engage you, just listen and tell him you have a lot to think about. Or thank you for asking. I have a lot on my mind right now. Or turn that chit right around on him---can you elaborate on that? I'm thinking and wondering why you're asking. Can I get back to you on that? I need some time to think. Got it???
Coly, I remember taking a picture of this post on my phone and I read it right before I meet with H. I thought about what Blu said and I managed to apply what was suggested and believe it or not, my H opened up like a book to me. As painful as it was to sit there and listen and validate him, that is exactly what I did. We ended up speaking for a very long time ...... I wouldn't suggest you do that because I was mentally exhausted after that night.
Please don't try to mind read....I know it is hard, trust me I do. I still do it to this day, and it never serves me.
Be good to yourself, and just be the sweet, kind person that we all know you are, and if he cant see that then it really is his loss.
Of course I made sure that I looked really good, and had on some perfume he had previously given me as a gift
