I don't have much time to post today, but thought I'd just put in a quick one. I really am very confused, and part of my crazymaking comes from my confusion.
S told me his dad talked w/OW for about 1/2 hour on the phone last night while I was at work, sounded a little sad, and S heard him say "who would...." poor S has a need to tell me what he has to deal with, I know he was hoping the phone calls had stopped, so I listen to what he needs to share, I don't know if it helps either of us but he needs to be able to talk about it.

When I got home H was pleasant, but not into "hugs", just plain said he wasnt "much in the mood", taht sometimes he liked them but not right then . So I gave him just a little one, said I would be careful not to "smother" him and told him I loved "smooches", so it was hard work for me to resist, but I was working to.
When we went to bed, I was feeling pretty sad and sorry for myself...just kind of layed there, don't think I even touched him....
I thought he was nearly asleep, when from out of the dark his voice says "hows come you arent wearing your fancy undies to bed?" of course that opportunity was not resistable...I asked him what I should wear, and he actually turned on the light and got some things....played around, took some polaroids, was "naughty"...I enjoyed myself just fine, in fact it was the cheering up I needed. I told him afterwards I was confused because he hadnt wanted hugs and smooches and he said "the two aren't related" . I still don't understand, I don't think I ever will. It didnt seem the time to pursue it much so I didn't, but can any of you guys shed any light on this? It doesnt seem from h's actions that the 2 are NEVER related....
I've made a very concious effort to back off this week, with initiating sex, with physical affection, and with ILY...he just hasnt responded as positively the last week or so, so it just made since to not do a lot of what doesnt work.....
then he initiates sex, even though he isnt real into the physical expressions of affection. what should I learn from this????? I really don't know

I didnt sleep well last night, was awake when his alarm went off. gave him a hug before he went to make his OW phone call (o how I hate that)....H brought me coffee later and said he'd do the outside chores since I had to go to work and he doesnt today....

we talked for a few minutes in the kitchen about him sending out resumes, and he brought up the discussion that maybe we should both be looking at going into a different professional field.....this seems like plans/suggestions that include me......

We stood on the porch for a few minutes, he had on his grubby "chore" clothes, and I told him even those were sexy. He said he didn't feel sexy, and couldnt understand that....he did give me a nice warm, lingering, hug and kiss, and I told him "that is hard for me to resist wanting all the time because it really turns me on"....he looked kind of surprised and said "it usually doesnt me"....we talked about watching a movie tonight and maybe having a fire in the fire place if it stays cool, and I was teasing and said "and.... and.....and....." and he kind of chuckled and said "you got the rest of it last night".

I am very confused, I don't know what to think of his "all over the place" behavior. Of course the crazymaker wants me to think he and OW are back at it....I saw her come in to work about 5 minutes late...
But maybe it's just that we have very different LL's/"turn on" buttons and don't understand that still after all these years. maybe that's part of the problem and maybe the looks of surprise on his face are an indication that for the first time we are starting to recognize those differences. could this be positive stuff rather than negative?

I could really use any and every ones thoughts on this as I try to sort it out.......

I hope this is another good weekend....they are what keeps me going sometimes.

been around awhile!