I'm going to use the 2x4 that was applied to me: You don't have a marriage right now. Your wife is off somewhere doing something with someone else. That's the relationship she cares about right now, not the one with you. Your wife is not the woman she used to be, and is not the woman you believe she is.
Imputing motives does not help your situation, it worsens it. You are making analyses based on bad data, and that results in bad decisions.
You're making this about her. It needs to be about you. That's all you can control.
