Retrouvaille sounds like a neat program, but not sure if it is what we need right now. Seems pretty communication-oriented... which was a problem for us, but not the main problem. Also don't know if she wants a religious-sponsored program because she doesn't like any "you need to stay together because the bible says so" or "because it is the right thing to do" type-stuff. Um, not sure why you think it's that way but it was not our experience at all. My h was agnostic and is now atheist. Never Catholic & never wanted to be. The Retrovaille we attended in the LA area, was NOT pushy about any doctrine. I called ahead.
There were 4 "Team" couples who spoke to us about their experiences and they had major issues (the death of a child, for instance) and we learned from them and the exercises. After hearing of their m's being repaired, I recall thinking h & I had nothing that big to work on, comparatively.
I saw a retired priest in the background who led prayers a few times, but it was so NOT about "making you stay together b/c the bible tells you so." I hear this talk a lot from those who resist going. Not saying you are, but it's Just an observation. Maybe someone has had a bad theological experience there, but I have not known of one from an actual attendee.
Also, in general, I am not certain that we are "therapy ready" right now. Isn't therapy more appropriate for when you reach the "piecing" stage? IMO Therapy is mandatory in piecing - and preferably earlier.
Before you can do any recon to get to piecing, T helps in figuring out why one would engage in an affair - or play your role - & I cannot see any reason to avoid getting some therapy.
What's the risk to you? I'm not saying marriage counseling, I'm saying individual therapy for you and or, her. If she's not willing, so be it. What's stopping you?
- Our last talk pretty much confirmed that, while she was open to counselling, it wasn't to "try to save the marriage" but to determine "whether or not she even wanted to try to save the marriage"... more of a box-checking exercise before she says "soyonara."
Retrovaille or you getting ind therapy are not going to end your marriage.
Having a really bad day, today, FWIW.
sorry you are having a bad day. Have you tried "insight timer"? it's a free meditation app that has gotten me off the ledge a few times.
Hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
