25 - no need to apologize. I didn't think for even one second your comments were hijacking. They are highly relevant. I have been following your sitch and have also read many of your comments on other threads. I find what you have to say so insightful and helpful and I don't comment because I think to myself, what can I add? Lol!
The seismic shift you wrote about is exactly how I feel as well. H is not someone I would date I wouldn't even be interested in him as a "hook up." Ick.
There is a vast array of things he would need to work out in his head. So much unpacking. I know how hard it has been for me on my end, and I am not someone who doesn't or can't let myself feel. It is hard to imagine someone learning to finally feel and identify their emotions and evolve into someone who has insight into their behaviors, particularly when they have been this way for 48 years. Almost half a century.
The person in that situation would have to be highly motivated. Motivated to do the work, to try, to fail, and then in the face of failure and frustration,keep trying and working. What could possibly motivate a person under those circumstances to keep at it?
Falling flat on their face. Losing everything?
Like most of us, there is a deeply rooted fear, even if we know it's not true, that NOW the h will "really be happy b/c the problem was ME all along"...
This ^^^^ is exactly the root of some of my struggles. I can't shake those thoughts. They pull me in and I have to use every ounce of strength I have to pull myself out. There have been so many moments where I have been overcome with sadness at the thought that H will truly be happier without me. And worse, happier with OW.
I want to believe so badly that it won't happen. I also want so badly to believe the part about him coming out of this unscathed. But there is a part of me that thinks otherwise.
All this returns me back to the notion that none of that is in my control. Not my circus, not my monkeys. So the road leads back to me.
