3.5 Months of Pain - Fork in the Road

[resolut]

Agreed, but again hard to do. Can't just flip a switch after 16 years and stop caring about someone that was in your life all day, everyday.

Hi Sellout - I don't have a lot of advice but my situation is similar to yours. My wife has deeply betrayed me after 25 years of marriage. You can read about how I've been processing this over on my thread.

It took me a while to accept that she just doesn't care about me any more and maybe she never will again. It hurt badly to start understanding and believing that. In my case it happened incredibly fast that she pulled away from me. Almost the snap of her fingers from my standpoint. From hers I think it was years. From there I had to accept that I can't control her and it was best for myself to let her go. And no its not a process that happened over night. It took weeks and I made plenty of mistakes. I still accept that I will make mistakes. I'm imperfect.

Now I will admit that by letting her go that doesn't mean I'm accepting her behavior. I Am not and I told her so again last night: "What you are doing is not ok and it is hurting me badly." But I'm choosing not to return hate and vengeance back to her. Not because I want her back but because someday I want to have the clear conscience that I tried everything I could to save the marriage and I was not a vindictive person in the process despite what was done to me. Ultimately she is likely to face the tremendous guilt of it all and at that point I will have upgraded my life from her.

Keep reading the 37 rules over and over. Read Sandi2's writings and read the validation thread. This is what I did and started walking daily. 2, 4, 6 miles etc. and letting all of this stuff sink in and owning it.