Not whole lot to report on my sitch other than the fact that W is annoyingly trying to act super happy around me. Seems like overcompensation to me. Oh well, none of my business I suppose.
Yesterday was kind of rough for me and I fell back into my old thinking patterns missing W.
Im slowly coming to grips with the fact I am idealizing the fantasy I have of W and our life together. In actuality, W isn't really like the image I have of her in my mind. She's not a bad person but she isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread either.
I'm doing my best to detach from her before she actually leaves for another state. I think watching her drive away in a U-Haul is going to hurt like hell. But there is nothing I can do about it except wish her the best.
My friends and parents keep warning me that she'll reach out one day with regrets. I try not to put too much emphasis on that but it does make me feel a little better for some reason. Probably because I have made W responsible for my sense of worthiness. And if she has regrets one day, maybe I wasn't such a dbag after all. I know I need to get rid of this mindset.
I have to admit, I'm anxious about my new life. I haven't been single in many, many, years and I'm not sure how I will do when I'm all by myself. I've been pinging friends asking to do things with them but they all have families and small children so it's hard for them to get out. I can see that I will need to find things to do by myself which honestly does not sound very appealling.
W is leaving her dog with me so I have a feeling it's gonna be me and the dog doing alot of things together. In the dog's defense, he's a great listener and never tries to fix my problems.
I hope you all have a good day and a good weekend.
