(((2016))) I just read your updates. Sigh. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I knew this pain too well when my H was with OW and telling me he wanted D. I felt so afraid and hopeless most days and I was deeply depressed. The pain is indescribable. I wish I had something that I could write to soften the blows. What comes to mind is that I know it will not be this way forever.

I can't answer your questions for why this is happening. I am not sure anyone can, but I remember feeling the same confusion and despair. I do believe over time though, it will begin to make sense to you. I do have faith that for you (and the same for myself) there will come a day when you are grateful (maybe not for the suffering) for the lessons that have been learned. I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason and that there are silver linings in every sitch, even the unthinkable ones. I can't prove that this is true, it's just a choice that I have made for myself. This belief has brought me a sense of comfort and control.

On another note, I was wondering if you have thought more about moving back to your home country? I completely understand wanting to keep your S near his father and I agree that's important. It also sounds that in order for you to be the healthy, happy, and strong mother that you need to be, that you might find that at home. I don't want guilt over your son and his R with his father to prevent you from making decisions that are best for you.

XOXO
Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela