Hearing the Fat Lady Sing

[25yearsmlc]

JR no tips really

Other than to continue being true to your values, whether it means being nice to your STBX or not tolerating her b/s

As for all the feelings, let time take care of it, and in the mean time do what you have to do, or, better, do what you want to do

I feel as though waking from a long sleep, an illness

But things are fading in the rear view mirror and it feels good

Not perfect, but good

2 things...your awakening resonates with me a lot. Like a fog is lifting.

Second, as confusing as it can be to have a cooperative wife and co-parent -

please know that those of us who are dealing with the alternative, either no contact or utter vilification, would give a lot to be in your shoes.

Easy to say, I know.

I would assume your w will have regrets. They may not be very deep, as it's a lot of damage to inflict on the people who loved you most and facing it would bring most of us to our knees.

But only a seismic change inside her, which you may never be aware of b/c she won't want to tell you,

could even get you on the same page...


and then, once faced with the amount of work she'd have to do,

without a guarantee of her ever being able to return to the marriage as she'd want it, seems improbable.

But it could happen. I have seen it in my family, twice. But you have to move on as if it won't.

Both cases in my family involved all 4 spouses moving on as if there was to be no recon. They all changed. I think that 3 of them went into T or some form of IC.

So 5 & 6 years later, the recon's happened and in one case a brief marriage had occurred in the meantime. (I don't know if A's were involved b/c I was too young to know).

ForGump, Since you know you have co-dependent issues, why not assume she's (in a nice way) on the Australian bush or had passed away, and so she cannot be a factor in your choices?

So you are to rely on just you, for now...is that okay?

If she had really had passed away and after years had gone by, you were all done grieving,
and you were on your own but you were happy,

what kinds of things would you be doing to GAL? Again, assume in this vision of the future, that you are happy.

Any New Hobbies? Any travel? Where? Would you make a job change, or do another move?

Would you play sports, or volunteer? What type? Would you go back to school or take some classes? Audition for something, or learn a new instrument?

etc?

So, Which of those things ^^ can you do, now?