Actually yesterday evening turned out to be ok, much to my relief. I got to class to pick up S just as class let out, and OW was already pulling out of parking lot...S said she'd come in in a "big hurry" and didn't look very happy....she'd dropped her D off early as well...both of these are unusual, she's usually late????? S said "I get the feeling she doesnt want to see you any more than you want to see her, and I even think she's afraid of you mom".....Of course I set a GREAT example with my calm, dignified response of "good, maybe she needs to be". Hmmmm. I never considered she might dread me as much as I dread her....I wonder if its good or bad? My first thought is it's good, that if things were going her way, she wouldnt be not wanting to see me. Then of course the crazymaker jumps in with "maybe she knows something I don't know and is afraid of what I'll do when I find out"....Oh, who can tell, it really is a cheeseless tunnel although hard to stay out of completely. However, I kind of lean towards maybe things aren't going her way, because we actually had a pretty good evening all 3 together. When we got home, H was there, leaning against kitchen counter drinking a bottle of fitness water. H was warm but not as sweaty as sometimes, had "hat hair" like he'd been out walking....he gave me a hug and a little "peck"...not a real romantic one, but a nice one, and he wasnt all after-shaved and mouthwashed. Then I noticed he had a little tick on the back of his neck...If he had been all cuddled up w/her, I think he'd have been more groomed and not had a tick on him!
then I sat with H and S and we watched a little tv....this is a 180 for me, before the bomb, I would have felt like I needed to be doing house work, or "something constructive" now I consider "just hanging out" to be "constructive", and guess what, I enjoy it! If quality time is one of H's major LL's, than maybe it's a fun and easy way to meet some of his emotional needs.
We all laughed as we watched tv. It was a show on History channel, I think called "modern inventions"....one of the inventions was a "prostate gland warmer"....I was laughing so hard I had to go into the kitchen while H explained that one to S.....I didn't hear the explanation, but heard S say "oh gross". there were some other goodies. You just never know what you might find on TV!
H is warm and friendly, but not as "romantic" I guess you would say...not as cuddly...but I'm just giving him some distance while trying to be warm and friendly and receptive and "fun".... I know "clinginess" drives him nuts, and sometimes he perceives things as clingy that I don't see that way. Conversly, obviously I went too far the other way before because "distance" and that "you didn't care" were big "bomb time" complaints.... I'm not sure what it means, actually it's more like the "real" person I always knew, he was never the real romantic type (something I'd like a little more of), so I don't know....It's possible he's getting back to a more "level" or real place in his head, possible he's just preoccupied w/work, possible things have fired back up big-time w/OW.... I still think if he was w/her last night he'd have made sure he was all mouthwashed and combed and everything....grrrrrr....gotta get more detachment going here today, but my "gut instinct", which has proven to be pretty accurate, tells me he didn't see her last night.
This guy is hard to figure out! Sometimes I think I should quit trying to figue him out, but honestly part of the reason we got to this mess is that I didn't put more effort in to figureing out what makes him tick, so I guess again a middle ground here is what's needed.
