My thoughts have been floating around the notion of how much I have learned about myself, psychology, and how my past has impacted my current life. It feels like a Grand Canyon full of knowledge has been poured into my brain.
These thoughts lead me to question whether H is willing or capable of doing the same. As I peruse these threads I see LBS after LBS moving on and away from their MLC/WASs. The MLCers and WAS are left in the proverbial dust. Statistics are not on the side of marriage recovery. Even marriages that seem to have recovered have hit obstacles again. I feel sad about that.
But I think that is something I am starting to more easily accept. It is really hard for a person to look at themselves and own their mess. It's even harder to admit these failings to someone else. When I think about having to humble myself before my H in order to reconcile, I cringe just thinking about it. There is so much resentment and distrust. And really a lot of disbelief that he could do the same. I am reluctant to bare my soul to someone who is capable of inflicting this kind of harm on me. I suppose if I did it, I wouldn't do it all at once. It would be like peeling back the layers of an onion. Maybe I could do that. I have very little faith he could.
