3.5 Months of Pain - Fork in the Road

[25yearsmlc]

25yearsmic,

What would be your suggestion on how sellout can do to show his W the things she claimed to want? DBing advises us to pull away,

Sorry but I just saw this^^ today.

DBing does NOT "advise us to pull away." DBing advises us to use an approach and THEN monitor the results.

Sandi posted a summary of what she believes DB preaches but they are not "rules" and the main thing she points out is do what works. That is the essence of DBing.

We are trying to counter negative images our MLC/WASs have of our marriage or of us, so they cannot continue to justify their behavior. Those are 180s that are specific to our marriages. Not everyone should pull away. Not all 180s are identical.

Detachment is not necessarily pulling away. At times, it is just mandatory for our sanity.



but the things she's asking for kind of contradicts those methods.

What she is asking for...you mean his WAW? That matters.

And that's why not every LBSer should do the same thing. Again, DBing (books) say to use an approach and give it time, and monitor for results. If you see no results, you adjust accordingly. If I recall what Sandi posts, that is included.

I think some folks want to apply the simplest "rules" and then demand results like this is a math equation.

IF it were math, I'd say

"consistent changes + sufficient time = change the WAS can believe in."

IMO, this man's wife expressed her desire to know that her h would meet previously unmet emotional needs...I feel like she was very clear.


In my own situation the OM is marries and a state away. And communication is limited to messenger. Sellout here as his wife taking 3 day trip in his face. So what would be the best place for him to make in this situation?

There is a fine line between prideful ego and self respect. I cannot draw it for someone else. And maybe there is too much water under the bridge now.

In my world, a few months is a blink.