Ask yourself this question. Why would a wife not share a password with her H?

I think the wayward friend will be the liaison for the affair partners. Not sure what you can do about it. I don't suggest you try to pressure her to end the BFF right now. One step at a time.

Yes, your W is resentful. No, she is not remorseful yet. She got caught! That's all.

There's one thing to observe that will pretty much tell the true story. Her attitude. She may be able to act as if she's going along with your wishes for a few days, but her resentment will begin to seep through her attitude. She will have to tackle her resentment, eventually. If you get an experienced therapist, hopefully this will be dealt with and she'll have guidance out of resenting things of the past.

When her words, attitude, and actions line up together..........then that is a good sign she is making honest effort.

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She is also still resentful and has "trust issues" with me because i bugged her car once with an extra cell phone about two weeks in to all this (early February--guilty as charged) and got caught, though she does allow she "probably deserved it."


Look, this is a WW tactic to twist and turn the "trust issue" around on the H. Get this straight.........you do nothing to earn a cheater's trust when they discover they have been caught. This has nothing to do about her trusting you. It has everything to do about her untrustworthiness. She may try to talk about not being able to trust you........or not having her own privacy, etc., in order to turn the spotlight away from her and shine it on you. Do not let her play those games. Keep your head straight about these issues.

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She did show a wee bit of remorse, acknowledging that what she had done was wrong and hurtful and a mistake, but says she honestly does not know how "it happened" (i.e. not a conscious choice on her part)and she did not show the type of remorse that has been described as showing she is "over it".


First of all, she has not had time to get over it. She just got busted. Her answer is typical of a busted WW. However, I do not see affairs as making a mistake and not knowing how it happened. She knew! That's just her way of trying to get out of trouble by giving a childlike excuse. As if she thinks you will hug her and say it's okay and everyone makes mistakes. She would like that type of response from you, b/c she would feel like it lets her off the hook.

Remember, baby steps the next few days. Expect her to have a lot of questions regarding separation/divorce. What to tell the kids, who lives where, etc. She will be trying to weigh her options, instead of focusing on ending the A. So.........don't go down that rabbit hole again. Just tell her that is not the immediate issue. Her faithfulness is the current issue. All that other will be the results of her unwillingness to do the right thing to save the M.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!