Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[25yearsmlc]

Update:

Saw the lawyer yesterday and she made it clear no legal paperwork could be done about shared custody of the kids outside of a divorce. There is no legal separation in Florida so basically I am stuck with this jerk.

Did you say you are also a resident of NY? Have you compared the Div laws there?

And you are saying you are stuck with him b/c he won't move without anything in writing and you can only get that, with a divorce?

We continue to be cordial and sometimes he even acts like a decent human being, he asked how my heart was doing last night. I told him it was fine but had to bite back, "Still broken thanks to you, you @ss." Overall I have irritation at him but not much else. Mostly I feel pain over not being able to give my children my dream, a loving, and strong marriage to raise them in.


Maybe someday down the road you will achieve that - with someone else, or maybe your h will be that someone else.

But the man he is now cannot be the man you are supposed to be married to. I think your cleric said so, himself, correct?

And as you well know, an intact m is not always a strong loving one.

I'm working hard on not ruminating. Some cultures don't have the words "should/could or would have". And they tend to ruminate less than we do. They deal with what is, and don't look backwards too much. They are "here now."

I found that^^ fascinating & useful.

I am still very tired in the afternoons after I get off work and the kids appear very understanding. DS4 is especially gentle and keeps lying beside me and putting kisses on my cheeks. I hold them close and tight, I smell their hair and touch their soft skin. Truly I am blessed. Some co-workers know things are stressful in my marriage but are not savvy on the details. Tonight one of them texted me how much they love me and admire me. They also requested I come to the next girl's night out. I felt this warmth in my chest expand and a smile light my face.

beautiful Health for you and for those kids - HUGE.


Life is good in spite of this mountain I continue to climb.

I apologize for the platitude (below) but it hits me as true. I feel intensely self aware and alive lately....I know that pain can be the touchstone for tremendous spiritual and emotional growth (or the place of wallowing bitterness)...

I just wonder now - if the mountains we climb will, someday, make our lives more beautiful?