To confront or not confront cheating W?

[Matrix]

I don't think the "deal breaker" is the OM working at the same place as your W. If there is a "deal breaker" for you, it should be that there is OM at all. Is this a "deal breaker" for you? It seems that is is not, which is OK if that is your stance.

You have known about this A for some time now. I don't think that the possibility that OM might get hired at your W's work is really going to change anything...for better or worse. If she is currently having an A with him, it will continue if she works with him or not...right?

So what is your "deal breaker"? Is it that she is currently having an A with OM or she is currently having an A with OM that she might work with?

You need a much better plan before you go trying to confront her with odd boundary requests. I would hold off and do nothing for now. Even if it it is just a few days or weeks. I feel like you don't really know what to do right now and when you feel like that, it is best to DO NOTHING.